Why have I put on weight?

I don’t know whether anyone who struggles with weight has done this but I drew a timeline of my life the other day and marked the times when I have put on or lost weight to see if I could spot any reasons behind this. You see, I wouldn’t consider myself to be an emotional eater. Yes, I did have bulimia from the age of 18-23 which resulted in a 6 week inpatient stay in a London eating disorder unit but, apart from that, I’m not someone who eats when I feel sad and I don’t binge eat. The fact is that I like food! And I think that I’ve become someone who isn’t aware of how much I’m eating – you know, one biscuit leads to another and all that! I also feel that I don’t connect with my body and I do anything to avoid looking in a mirror so, although I could sense that I’ve put on my weight over the past few years, I haven’t really looked at myself and taken stock. The only times in my life when I have been over-connected with my body and when there were triggers were during two periods of anorexia, the last time being 9 years ago when my heart developed long QT syndrome. So, this is really the first time when I’ve consciously made changes in my life that feel sustainable and I’m losing weight in a healthy way.

What’s lead to this drive to be kinder to myself? I’ve come to realise that I’m missing out on so much. I worry about fitting into a plane seat yet I’d love to travel to so many new countries. I panic if I see a chair with arms thinking “Am I going to fit?” I’ve realised that I’d do anything to avoid going to the doctors’ in case they want me to jump on the scales and I worry that I could one day have a symptom of some serious illness but I’m to scared to check it out….all because of my weight. And chatting to family and friends on Zoom during lockdown has meant that I can’t help but see myself in the corner of the screen. I’m 47 and I really want to make changes now so that I go into my 50s feeling positive about how I look. So, that’s behind why I’m doing this.

If you’re on a weight loss journey, what was it that triggered it? I’d love to know.

Oh, and before I go, I mentioned in my last post that whilst I weigh myself every Monday morning (which I started almost 2 weeks ago), I first took measurements back in February and these are Thursday’s results of the 3 biggest inch losses:

FebruaryMay
Waist45″ (114cm)42″ (107cm)
Belly58″ (147cm)55″ (140cm)
Hips59″ (150cm)55″ (140cm)

So, that’s a loss of 10″ or 24cm! That means that everything is now 55″ or less so my next short term goal is to get my hips and belly 54″ (137cm) or less. What I’m particularly pleased about is that this has been done with no exercise regime until the beginning of last week so that should speed things up….safely, of course! Small goals. One day at a time

Have a super weekend everyone and I’ll post on Monday telling you how kind the scales were to me!

Love Erika xx

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