When on a weight loss journey, progress can be measured in many different ways – not just what the figure on the scales says – but I’ve spent the past 25 or so years terrified for anyone to know this figure as if it’s the most secretive thing in the world. Yes, throughout pregnancies, throughout a life-threatening eating disorder, I’ve refused to let anyone in real life know my weight and I’ve had this fear at the back of my mind about needing surgery one day and not even letting the anaesthetist in on my secret to keep me medically safe. “It’s only a figure” some might say but, I don’t know, it’s always seemed much more than that. I’m still beyond scared for anyone ‘official’ to know my weight which I’ll explore in a blog later on this week but, over the weekend, I told a friend during a Zoom chat…. and I survived! In fact, I’d built it up in my mind over the past couple of decades that saying my weight would be some traumatic, hold-it-right-there event when everything around me would freeze but it felt nothing like that. So, I’m counting this one as another non-scale victory because it may reflect the changes I’m seeing in myself and how I’m learning to accept myself for who I am
Okay, onto this week’s report card:
What’s Erika done well this week?
- I haven’t lost anything this week but I’m okay with this. Why? I know that weight loss may not happen every week and it’s about building resilience to cope with times like these and not feel as if I should throw in the towel.
- I bought a dress that doesn’t go to the floor! Yes, I’ve actually bought a dress that will reveal I do indeed have legs. It hasn’t arrived yet but hopefully will later on this week when I can share a photo with you.
- Although the scales haven’t shifted this week, I’m acknowledging how my body continues to evolve, especially my upper body where back fat is disappearing fast, my collarbones now protrude and my waist is down to 35.5 inches. Also, I wore a US size 8 / UK size 12 jumper over the weekend which felt SO good!
- I bought a ‘vibration plate’!!! I do like a gadget so I’m going to spend the next couple of weeks trying this out to see if it does what it says on the box before sharing my thoughts with you.
What could Erika improve on?
- I need to build up my exercise. Last summer, I had fitness medal after fitness medal being delivered and they’ve really slowed down so, from today, I’m going to make sure that I get in at least 5K every day.
Erika’s next target(s):
- 2 lbs until my BMI is in the lower 31s
- 5 lbs until I’ve lost 9 stone in all
- 9 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
- 12 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight
I’ll be back on Wednesday to think through why I won’t tell a doctor my weight but, until then, please feel free to share your own experiences including celebrations or frustrations and any questions you’d like to ask me!
Love Erika xx
|Recordable weight loss since blogging:||Still to lose:||Current weight:||BMI:|
|100 lbs||50 lbs||208 lbs||31.6|