Here in England, today is a good day! It’s the first day for months that we’re allowed into other people’s gardens (but no more than 6 people or two households) and it’s wonderfully sunny. Definitely a good start to the week where tomorrow and Wednesday will be warmer. With a quiet week work-wise, I’m going to head out on a walk along a disused railway line through a forest which is very popular with dog walkers, cyclists and horse riders. Yes, I’ll be heading out again during daylight where I don’t feel the need to hide as much 🙂
What’s happened this week?
- I lost 4 lbs
- My weight’s now in the 180s
- My BMI’s is in the lower 28s
- I’ve now lost more than 10 stone in all (that’s more than 10 x 14 lbs)
- I got brave in Saturday’s post and shared how the old anorexic voice is back… but hopefully I have enough insight and determination to catch this early.
What could Erika improve on?
- Increase my calories. A large part of me feels I’m eating way too much (more about that in the moment) yet I know cognitively from experience that this is dangerous.
Erika’s next target(s) along with the big ones!
- 1 lb until my BMI’s apparently the average for where I live
- 3 lbs until my BMI’s in the 27s
- 4 lbs until I’ve lost 85% of my excessive weight
- 22 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range (that’s just over 1.5 stone to go)
- 29 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range!
So, where am I right now with what I’m eating? I don’t know why but, in my head, I’ve become very obsessive about how many calories I should be eating and the self-imposed limit is reducing quickly. Right now, I’ve a strong need to stay under 500 calories a day. Of course, there are ‘very low calorie diets’ (VLCDs) out there where people will typically eat 600-800 calories a day or perhaps do intermittent fasting where some days are cut back drastically…. but it’s usually advised that people do these under medical supervision, such as if they need to lose weight very quickly for something like surgery. When I was in this situation before, that calorie limit reduced and reduced until I’d eat no more than 250 calories a day but my heart was affected when I was eating no more than 600 a day. So, this is where I’m at and it’s like this strong voice has a tight grip on me. But something struck me yesterday. I was thinking about my aim to get to a ‘healthy’ weight and, wow, the word healthy is really important. It’s far more than what the scales show. Whilst the anorexic voice is feeling pretty good right now as I keep my calories low, my other (much more stable) voice wants me to reach my target weight with a healthy mind and body, and is telling me to see if I can first aim to raise my calorie limit to 550… one step at a time. I hope that what I’m saying makes sense! Two competing voices in my head, each trying to dominate the other!
I had a call this morning from the doctor who’s now officially diagnosed me with atypical anorexia. She’s asked me to have an ECG and a blood pressure test taken lying down and then immediately standing up because of some symptoms I’m getting relating to postural hypotension. That’s not until April because things at the surgery are so busy right now but she wants me to have a blood test this week. Whilst my weight is the one thing I couldn’t tell her, I did tell her my clothes size which felt scary but I did it. Small steps 🙂
I’ll be back on Wednesday about plotting our dieting histories on a time line so if you’re someone who considers themselves to be a yo-yo dieter, this post might be particularly pertinent.
Love Erika xx
|Recordable weight loss since blogging:||Still to lose:||Current weight:||BMI:|
|121 lbs||29 lbs||187 lbs||28.3|