Week 48 weigh-in: the doctor’s made a diagnosis…

Hello folks

Here in England, today is a good day! It’s the first day for months that we’re allowed into other people’s gardens (but no more than 6 people or two households) and it’s wonderfully sunny. Definitely a good start to the week where tomorrow and Wednesday will be warmer. With a quiet week work-wise, I’m going to head out on a walk along a disused railway line through a forest which is very popular with dog walkers, cyclists and horse riders. Yes, I’ll be heading out again during daylight where I don’t feel the need to hide as much 🙂

What’s happened this week?

  • I lost 4 lbs
  • My weight’s now in the 180s
  • My BMI’s is in the lower 28s
  • I’ve now lost more than 10 stone in all (that’s more than 10 x 14 lbs)
  • I got brave in Saturday’s post and shared how the old anorexic voice is back… but hopefully I have enough insight and determination to catch this early.

What could Erika improve on?

  • Increase my calories. A large part of me feels I’m eating way too much (more about that in the moment) yet I know cognitively from experience that this is dangerous.

Erika’s next target(s) along with the big ones!

  • 1 lb until my BMI’s apparently the average for where I live
  • 3 lbs until my BMI’s in the 27s
  • 4 lbs until I’ve lost 85% of my excessive weight
  • 22 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range (that’s just over 1.5 stone to go)
  • 29 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range!

So, where am I right now with what I’m eating? I don’t know why but, in my head, I’ve become very obsessive about how many calories I should be eating and the self-imposed limit is reducing quickly. Right now, I’ve a strong need to stay under 500 calories a day. Of course, there are ‘very low calorie diets’ (VLCDs) out there where people will typically eat 600-800 calories a day or perhaps do intermittent fasting where some days are cut back drastically…. but it’s usually advised that people do these under medical supervision, such as if they need to lose weight very quickly for something like surgery. When I was in this situation before, that calorie limit reduced and reduced until I’d eat no more than 250 calories a day but my heart was affected when I was eating no more than 600 a day. So, this is where I’m at and it’s like this strong voice has a tight grip on me. But something struck me yesterday. I was thinking about my aim to get to a ‘healthy’ weight and, wow, the word healthy is really important. It’s far more than what the scales show. Whilst the anorexic voice is feeling pretty good right now as I keep my calories low, my other (much more stable) voice wants me to reach my target weight with a healthy mind and body, and is telling me to see if I can first aim to raise my calorie limit to 550… one step at a time. I hope that what I’m saying makes sense! Two competing voices in my head, each trying to dominate the other!

I had a call this morning from the doctor who’s now officially diagnosed me with atypical anorexia. She’s asked me to have an ECG and a blood pressure test taken lying down and then immediately standing up because of some symptoms I’m getting relating to postural hypotension. That’s not until April because things at the surgery are so busy right now but she wants me to have a blood test this week. Whilst my weight is the one thing I couldn’t tell her, I did tell her my clothes size which felt scary but I did it. Small steps 🙂

I’ll be back on Wednesday about plotting our dieting histories on a time line so if you’re someone who considers themselves to be a yo-yo dieter, this post might be particularly pertinent.

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
121 lbs29 lbs187 lbs28.3
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

8 thoughts on “Week 48 weigh-in: the doctor’s made a diagnosis…

  1. I’m not a pro, so my thoughts don’t mean much…
    And I’ve never been overly attached to tact…
    And I know it might piss you off, but that seems like too few calories a day.

    Take care of yourself, Erika.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Matt, I couldn’t envisage you ever pissing me off (although you’re welcome to keep trying!)

      Yes, my totally logical mind knows that it is too few. I use apps that tell me how many I should be eating to lose weight (around 1200 a day if aiming for 2lb loss a week) so I know what I ‘should’ eat.

      The more dominant voice feels that 500 is way too much and this is where the slow reduction over time became more and more dangerous before. This is why I was trying to keep a very loose eye on calorie counting through this journey, aware that I could get sucked into this way of thinking.

      It’s taken so much courage to reach out to the GP but I’m sensing relief after today’s call more than anything else… so I’ll hold onto the fact that part of me acknowledges I need some support right now and asking for support is okay

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad — I didn’t want to come across as condescending because that’s never helpful. But I’m glad you’re getting some outside advice.

        I know there are valid 500 calories/day sort of plans, so I didn’t want to suggest you didn’t know what you’re doing. BUT given your admitted past, I thought you were treading awfully close to the/an abyss. Apparently, you think so too.

        It’s definitely okay to get help, and it’s harder to do that than to just keep pushing forward. So you’re not getting any judgment from me on that.

        I guess I kinda like you — or the You on here anyway — and feel we’re on a similar path at the same time, and a bit “in this together”.

        I don’t have first-hand experience with some of what you’re going through, though… But I follow a couple of bloggers who may be more helpful for some of those areas (if you’re not already aware of them):

        https://beautybeyondbones.com
        https://fitambitiousblonde.com/

        If they’re not useful, feel free to ignore them, of course.

        In any event, I’m not trying to piss you off 😀 I look forward to hearing from you. I hope you keep killing goals. You’ve inspired me to keep going on more than one occasion.

        Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh no Erika 🙁 that’s way too few calories. If you eat too little, your body will actually fight you trying to lose weight by lowering your metabolism and eating muscle instead. You need to at least eat enough to keep your body functioning. I hope you’re doing alright.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ang. Part of me is really scared to be honest as I’m aware that the heart muscle can be impacted too but, simultaneously, keeping beneath 500 feels ‘safe’… which I know it’s not. Absent last time, I hope my compassionate voice that’s reached out to the doctor will remind the anorexic side that what I’m eating isn’t ok, etc and start to take a healthy approach to getting me back on track. Might be a bit messy for a while but I need to hold onto the hope that I will come through this

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope that you’re recovery is an easy one. Anorexia is one of the eating disorders I haven’t tackled, but I’ve dealt with bulimia, binge eating and orthorexia. Reach out to me if you need to talk 😊

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s