Feel bigger or smaller than you really are?

Hey folks

Gosh, I’m finding that almost regardless of my size, I don’t really sense the dimensions of my body and I’d love to know if anyone else ‘gets’ this.

So, at 329 lbs, I obviously knew that I had a body but I couldn’t connect with it. I think my mind was telling me that I was smaller than I really was and I’d then be surprised when I couldn’t easily fit into a chair or when a piece of clothing seemed really tight. I’d see people on TV or social media who were apparently my size or had the same BMI and I’d be thinking “Am I the same size as them?” Ultimately, it was like my mind was disconnected from my body….

Currently at 180 lbs (which is a mid-week weigh-in spoiler alert!), I feel bigger than perhaps some evidence would suggest:

  • I’ve gone from US size 18-20 (UK size 22-24) to US size 8-10 (UK size 12-14)
  • I’m currently binge watching the very first season of The Biggest Loser Australia on Amazon Prime and I was really shocked to see the contestants initially weigh in heavier than my current weight…. I could have sworn that I was larger than at least 3 of the ladies. The show doesn’t reveal the contestants’ BMI or height but, at 5 foot 8, I’m pretty tall so I doubt if they were all taller than me
  • I know that my wrists have got smaller because when I got my FitBit last summer, I had to wear the larger strap whereas I’m now wearing the smaller strap on the 4th smallest out of the 11 holes
  • … and I know my waist is smaller as it was 48 inches a few months into this journey… now it’s 32.5 inches

I do celebrate the scale and non-scale victories but perhaps it’ll just take time for me to really recognise my body for what it is. Work in progress, eh?!

This weekend, I’m going to head out for walks as it’s warming up here a bit and I’ll probably pace around my living room when I watch this weekend’s Romagna Grand Prix. It’s incredible how steps can build up when distracted! And then I’ll be back on Monday with my next weigh-in when I’ll be declaring some very exciting goals coming up. Hope you have a great weekend

Take care all

Love Erika xx

6 thoughts on “Feel bigger or smaller than you really are?

  1. Oh, wow. I also follow F1. I don’t watch them any more since we cancelled our cable service (or as I called it: The Drug Advertisement Delivery Service); but F1 is the one sport I still follow. I’m a die hard McLaren fan. Who’s your team/driver?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh fab Matt! I have to say that I’m a Mercedes and Hamilton fan but I do like Perez and Norris. Can’t beat a gripping race! I went to Mercedes World a few years ago which isn’t too far for me and watched the Azerbaijan Grand Prix in its cinema with about 100 people. Whilst I watch the race on my own being the only sports fan here, watching it with a crowd of other people was electrifying, especially as Hamilton claimed victory on the penultimate lap!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I was a long-time Jenson Button fan (I was glad I lived alone for the Canada 2011 race. It was so exciting to watch, holy crap).

        I only pulled for Hamilton when/because he was a McLaren driver. I get why people like him; he’s an amazing talent in a car, but I never cared for him.

        The last several years have been hard to watch as McLaren has bravely fought for last place in the standings… It’s nice to see some improvement last year (it’s too early to say if this year will continue that).

        Over here, it’s rare to run into another F1 fan, but I have a few in my circle. The Hamilton/Verstappen rivalry they’re building up should be fun to watch.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I have “phantom fat” syndrome, as I call it. I’ve lost 40 pounds but still think I’m as big as I was before. Earlier today I saw myself next to my mom who used to be thinner than me, and I was so much smaller. It’s crazy how the mind still sees you as you once were, even when there’s been a huge change.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s so good to know I’m not alone, Ang. It really is crazy and it’s weird to have certain moments where my mind starts to catch up… but only temporarily. Well done with your 40lbs. What an amazing accomplishment ♥️

      Liked by 2 people

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