Atypical anorexia… the medical results are in…

Hello guys

I think I need to take a bit of deep breath before I blog today as I’m trying to process a conversation I had with my doctor yesterday.

So, the upshot of the conversation is that I may have a problem with my heart, my kidney function is reduced, my vitamin D levels are extremely low and my folic acid levels are also extremely low. She said about prescribing tablets to increase my vitamin D and folic acid levels and the first thing that came to my mind (and which just feel out of my mouth) was “How many calories would be in those?” She said it would be next to nothing but I don’t know if I can ingest something without knowing the calories involved. My doctor seemed really concerned that I’d even have this thought and said that it’s the first time she’s come across this with anyone with anorexia or bulimia. In fact, she seemed commented about my comment a couple of times and said that this alone raised significant concern from her perspective.

So, she said that perhaps I need to be referred to the eating disorder service and the local mental health team…. but I don’t know what to do. Do I need support? What would be achieved when I’m already seeing a psychotherapist privately as I come to terms with being a carer. I’m feeling extraordinarily stuck about what help would look like. She did ask about what I felt I needed but the one thing that could potentially help me get out of this situation is something that’s not easily obtained through the health service or even privately…. meal support. Someone to help me break out of the trap of staying within so many calories… but, simultaneously, I feel really in control and I don’t want that control to be taken away. I don’t know, guys. I’ve never had physical health issues before so I’m trying to process all of this. I’m seeing my therapist on Monday so it’ll be good to talk it through.

But I’m focusing right now on drinking lots of water for the sake of my kidneys. I drink way too much Diet Coke but I’m really cutting this back to one can a day with the aim to stopping altogether. So, I suspected the results wouldn’t be okay and, unfortunately, I was right….

We’ll see what happens over the next few weeks when I undergo some more tests and try to decide if I am willing to accept help.

I’ll be back on Monday but wishing you a lovely weekend

Love Erika xx

8 thoughts on “Atypical anorexia… the medical results are in…

  1. I’d be concerned if your doctor wasn’t concerned that was your primary concern. (I’m trying to be light hearted with that opening, but I do think your doctor’s right to be worried. You probably are as well a little, which is a good sign).

    I hope you get the help you need, Erika. The point to all this should be for you to get healthy so you can enjoy your life; there’s no point to being thin or skinny if you’re unable to enjoy your life when you get there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Matt. What you’ve written makes complete sense. There’s so much I can now do having lost this weight and I do want to be well enough to go on all these exciting adventures post Covid. And whilst much of my thinking feels rational to me most of the time, I see how warped my thinking can be when the doctor’s concern acts like a barometer about what’s ‘normal’. Part of me feels all this isn’t happening but part of me is no doubt quite rightly concerned…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I know I’m not the only one who’s worried about your approach to this (obviously, your doc was, too). The number on the scale is an easy metric to measure, but it’s not the best one. It’s no indication of your level of health. It’s just numbers: mass * the acceleration of gravity.

        I’d suggest goals like “I walked a mile in under 20 minutes” or “I walked for 30 minutes and my heart rate wasn’t constantly in the red”…

        You’re the only you we all have. 😀

        Liked by 2 people

    1. That sounds so tough for the AAN to have such an impact on you and your health. Yes, I think it’s very undiagnosed because people tend to think anything to do with anorexia means being very underweight xx

      Liked by 1 person

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