Introducing… my weight loss bucket list!

Hey folks

I wonder if anyone can relate but I found pre-weight loss that there were many things I wanted to do but couldn’t. Sometimes, it was because there was a weight limit attached to particular activities or it came down to a lack of confidence. Now that I’ve lost quite a lot, there’s a host of things that I want to do and, in fact, I ticked off my first one on Sunday. So, here’re the 10 things that my weight loss and growing confidence mean I now feel ready to get on with:

  1. Zip wire! Yes, last Sunday, I went on a Go Ape Tree Top Adventure where I had the most buzzing time. That first zip wire was a bit scary but, by the 5th, I was hurling myself off the platforms, ready to glide past the trees in the forest. You can read more about it HERE.

So, what else is on my list?

2. Abseil off the ArcelorMittal Orbit at the Olympic Park which is the tallest sculpture in the UK. Last night, I booked my ticket to do this in August. Once I go up in the lift and see panoramic views of London, I’ll then abseil 80 metres down… although another way to go down is the slide!! Worth checking out the photos online.

3. Helicopter lesson. I’m not too far from the coast here in the UK so flying over the English Channel will be amazing.

4. Go on an aeroplane. I used to fly loads when I was younger but I felt really self conscious about my weight so as soon as Covid is more under control, I’ve got my first trip away planned to Copenhagen in Denmark where I’ll pop over the bridge to Malmo in Sweden too.

5. RIB boat experience on the River Thames which is basically going on a speed boat.

6. Zorbing. This involves climbing inside a huge bubble-like structure, attaching myself to the harness and then hurling myself down a hill! What could go wrong?!

7. Horse riding. I’ve got a place in mind but the dietitian has advised having a DEXA scan first. More about that another day.

8. Indoor sky dive. Not many places in the UK do it but there’s somewhere within reasonable reach of here where you get kitted up with a jumpsuit, helmet and goggles, and step into a wind tunnel kinda thing where you then put your body into a star shape and fly! Oh…. all that loose skin on my body will have a field day!!!!!

9. Drive a racing car around Silverstone. Space in those cars looks tight but I think I could get in there now.

10. Possibly…. and I mean possibly (!!!!)… a real sky dive! This one might change…… I’d love to do it and, wow, what an amazing feeling I’d have but would I have the guts to leave the plane? Not sure!

My plan is to always have something booked and therefore something to always look forward to so by the time I abseil in August, I’ll have another activity from my list booked, perhaps for September.

Do you have things on your list that you’d like to do? They don’t have to be sports related. It could be having a personal shopper experience, having a massage, etc.

Love Erika xx

Week 60 weigh-in: I went on FIVE zip wires!

Hey folks

Okay… more about that in a moment. Let’s take a look at this week’s report card:

What’s happened this week?

  • The session with the specialist eating disorder dietitian last Monday has resulted in me managing to take in an extra 200 calories a day. I’ve still a long way to go but I’m getting there even though it’s hard. You know, that session has been instrumental and I’m getting some more specialist support at the end of next week.
  • I’ve discovered blue berries! Well, I’ve eaten them before but only in muffins!
  • I got out there and pushed my comfort zone at Go Ape.

What could Erika improve on / next targets?

  • I need to increase my calories by another 200 calories a day but I’m worried. I know that I need to keep pushing this comfort zone.
  • Stay off the scales. I managed to stay off the scales for a few days but that habit is creeping back in.

— ❤ —

So, Go Ape! Wow! Yesterday, I went on a two hour tree top adventure which has venues all over the UK. The course was split into 5 sites that each began climbing a rope ladder, navigating my way over bridges whilst attached to a harness, doing swings into nets and 5 zip wires. It’s really odd because I thought I’d be panicky about whether the equipment would take my weight but I felt so confident and, yes, I discovered that I love zip wiring!

As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind and I’ll be back later in the week to talk about living in my new body and having fun 🙂

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss including 21 lbs lost before bloggingStill to lose:Current weight:BMI:
164 lbs (haven’t weighed for a short while)7 lbs165 lbs24.9
Plus 21 lbs lostPlprior to blogging

I’ll be swinging like Tarzan on Sunday!

Hey everyone

I’m asking myself today what on earth I’ve signed up for! Last night, I found myself on the website of a local place that offers a range of physical adventures and I’ve now got 2 things in my diary…. both are things that I couldn’t have done 16 months ago due to the weight restrictions:

  • This Sunday, I’m doing the Tree Top Challenge which is a 2-3 hour experience of wearing a harness, going up 25 metres amongst the trees in the forest, swinging into nets, climbing through things, stepping along suspended rings, going down a zip wire and so much more. The one bit that scares me is the Tarzan swing as I don’t mind heights whatsoever but, after booking it, I saw a video of someone swinging on the rope and …. oh…. my ….. goodness! Am I really going to be doing that?!!!
  • And then the following weekend, I’m doing a 1 hour Segway experience through the forest which won’t be so exhausting but will still be something very new for me.

Both adventures are with Go Ape in the UK and wow I’m excited. I’ll tell you more about it when I check in on Monday but this desire to book things comes from a place of wanting to enjoy my new body, wanting to have fun, wanting to have things to look forward to…. and I’m all up for the comfort zone being pushed 🙂 Not sure about the chance to take photos but I’ll see what I can do!

Hope you have a great weekend

Love Erika xx

First meeting with a specialist dietitian. Didn’t think she’d ask me THAT!

Hey guys

Gosh, quite a bit has happened over the past couple of days. As I mentioned on Monday, I was having an appointment later that day with a specialist eating disorder dietitian. With the appointment booked for 90 minutes, I assumed we’d run out of things to talk about but no! We covered a lot.

Reflecting back, I guess there were 3 parts to the appointment:

  • How I’ve got to the point of being diagnosed with atypical anorexia
  • What impact is this having on my body
  • What plan can we put together towards recovery (the scariest part!)

~~ ❤ ~~

The first part was quite straightforward and, in some ways, it was helpful to hear that my need to exert some control over my intake makes sense when I deal with a very challenging carer situation at home day in day out.

~~ ❤ ~~

The second part was a massive eye opener and the main things that have stuck in my memory are:

  • If menopausal, this is the time a woman is most likely to have a heart attack. And if I’m eating very little, that’s going to put more strain on my heart
  • If I’m not eating anywhere enough, that’ll explain why my trips to the loo are weeks apart! Yes, she asked me about poo! That’s not a conversation I thought I’d be having and oh was I embarrassed!!! But she said that eating very little means the food is just sitting on top of what’s already in my system whereas I need a good amount of intake to work like a plunger and clear me out. I know, TMI!
  • If my body is holding onto things that should have passed through, eating is going to feel uncomfortable. So, there’s even more reason to clear myself by eating a lot more as the uncomfortable feeling will stop at some point.
  • If I’m contemplating horse riding, I need a DEXA scan as I’m at risk anyway with a family history of osteoporosis otherwise a break could be more serious. I did have a DEXA scan 10 years ago when I last had an eating disorder but I freaked out back then when I was asked to get on the scales. The dietitian said that when asking for a referral, I can ask that there’s a note about not being weighed.
  • My body will stop at some point. She said that, yes, I’m functioning but I’m not going to stay in this functioning zone for much longer…. and she said that as I’d mentioned my BMI is in the healthy range, my focus should be about maintaining though she also said I’m bound to still lose more until I get my calories up more. She said there’s no reason to be trying to lose weight (especially if I’m carrying so much excess skin) and this is all about being healthy and not putting my life more at risk.

~~ ❤ ~~

The third part was hard (I knew it was coming) though she struck the balance between being supportive and very direct with me … and that’s what I needed. She said the aim should be to increase my calories by 300 a day for the next week and that I need to start this straightaway. She asked if I’d like some ideas about what to eat as she could see from my food diary that what I eat is very healthy (loads of salads and vegetables) but I need to eat more. So, the plan for this week is to eat: a Nak’d bar, a portion of Greek yoghurt and 3 tablespoons of raspberries. Now, I’ll admit that I freaked out a bit and when I bought these items last night, I went for the 0% fat yoghurt rather than the one she suggested and I looked for the lowest calories Nak’d bar on the shelf…. and that’s the anorexic voice feeling very scared. And I did eat more yesterday. I did get my calories up by 200 (to 585) but I felt horrible. My body felt so uncomfortable and it’s the sense of having to do this every single day that feels overwhelming. My first instinct is to cut back today… so this is going to be a battle for a while…. but that 90 minute appointment was so much more useful than I could have imagined.

So, I feel like I’m at the beginning of a very long journey but at least I’m on it and I’ll have another appointment with her in 3 weeks’ time. She was truly worth every penny.

Right, back to work for me but hope you’re all doing okay and I hope to check in over the next few days to see if I’m still managing to stay off the scales. My therapist said to me the other day that I’m brave confronting all of this. I don’t feel brave at all but I guess when there’re competing voices wanting to restrict versus wanting to recover, perhaps I’ll see that I’m having to dig incredibly deep to make progress.

Love Erika xx

I could fit in the seats at the funfair!

Hi everyone

So, apologies that it’s been nearly a week since I’ve blogged. I just needed to give myself a break from the weekly weigh-in but I wanted to share with you that I let my inner child play last night. I went to a funfair on Brighton Pier which is on the south coast of England jutting out into the English Channel towards France. Brighton is a very popular and wonderfully vibrant city where people can truly be individuals and it’s a city that’s just a short train ride from London. In fact, it’s where I got engaged!

Yesterday, on a gloriously warm evening, I headed down to Brighton. I didn’t plan to go on any funfair rides and I assumed that the pier itself would be closed but, as I drove past, I found it was very much open, much later than usual as many people were soaking up the sun. I have to say that I hesitated for a moment when I reached the end of the pier wondering how daft it’d be for a 40-something year old going on rides but sometimes you just have to not worry what others will think and play. Before I knew it, I was going down the helter skelter on a coil mat, sitting on a horse on the carousel, being strapped into a rollercoaster and then being tossed about on another ride that made me very glad I hadn’t just eaten! But the best feeling was that I could fit into the seats! My head hasn’t caught up with the fact that I’ve lost 164 lbs so far but once I managed to fit on the first ride, that worry soon disappeared.

So, I’ll be back on Monday with a bit of an update with the professional support regarding atypical anorexia as I’ve finally found somewhere there’s been brilliant so far but more about that in a few days.

Hope you have a great weekend, everyone

Love Erika xx

Making time to stay well…

Hey folks

A short post today but this image popped up on my social media this morning and, goodness, I needed to see this…

As a businesswoman, my diary is packed over the next few months. And whilst part of me knows that I need to take out some time for myself to get professional help with cracking the restrictive eating of atypical anorexia, there’s that part of me that can’t possibly let other people down. Yet if I was an employee, I’d be talking to my line manager right now about needing to go on sick leave. I need to look beyond today and see the bigger picture of the future on many different levels.

I had a meeting with a specialist psychologist last night about some very individualised support and she shared her significant concern about how many calories I’m eating, And I think it’s finally dawning on me that I’m perhaps more unwell than I previously thought. That’s hard to admit but perhaps it’s a necessary step before I fully realise that the next step has to be recovery….

Much to think about today….

Love Erika xx

Week 57 weigh-in: 1 lb away from being in the healthy range!

Hello!

I have to admit that I really hoped to wake up this morning to announce “Ta daaah!!! My BMI’s under 25” and be able to squeeze this accomplishment into the very end of May. But is losing weight a race? Does it have to be today? Let’s check out this week’s report card:

What’s happened this week?

  • I lost 1 lb
  • My body fat is now under 30%
  • My body water is now consistently above 50% after often being dehydrated
  • I’ve signed up to do another fitness medal

What could Erika improve on?

  • Increase my calories…. yes, still finding this hard

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 1 lb until my weight’s in the healthy range! A single, solitary, standalone 1 lb left!
  • 2 lbs until I’ve lost over half of my original weight!
  • 8 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range

— ❤ —

Last year as the pandemic broke and my weight loss journey began, I discovered an international community of people who walk, run, jog, etc. so that shiny new medals drop through their letter boxes. There are SO many websites doing these medals such as Virtual Runner UK, Race at Your Pace and The Conqueror (if you’re on Facebook, do check out The Conqueror Community page for the loveliest and most supportive group of people). Whether you want to cover a marathon distance in one go or set yourself the challenge of walking 5 km over the course of a whole month, there’s a medal out there for everyone and for every level of fitness. On Saturday, I did a 7km walk with a friend across fields and past lakes. Right now, I do need to strike a balance between pushing myself and being kind as, whilst my legs were absolutely fine afterwards, I felt dizzy for hours once I actually stopped walking. But it was very warm and I just need to listen to my body more.

When was my BMI last in the healthy range? Probably about 28 years ago so once I see my BMI go under 25, I’ll be straight on here! I never thought with my BMI starting out at 50 that I could halve it but I’m on the verge of doing that. I’m right on the cusp ❤

As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind.

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since starting to blog:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
142 lbs8 lbs166 lbs25.1
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

A non-scale victory! I didn’t search for the nearest car park space!

Hey folks

I don’t know about you but I’ve been staying away from the shops since the pandemic began. We’ve been able to get home delivery really easily and I’ve just wanted to stay safely away from others as much as possible.

Well, sensing that I’ve become a bit of a recluse, I’ve started to venture into some shops over the past couple of weeks but late into the evenings. Last night, I drove down to the coast because being anywhere with water (whether it’s the English Channel, a lake or even a duck pond!) does me the world of good mentally. I popped into a clothes shop (and was really excited to be buying US size 8 / UK size 12 clothes) but I then popped into a supermarket. This particular supermarket is one that I haven’t visited since I was 162 lbs heavier and I remember desperately trying to get the nearest space to the front of the shop… and needing to keep pausing to catch my breath. But I found myself last night deliberately parking slightly further away and purposefully walking towards the store with a huge spring in my step and not the slightest bit puffed out. THAT is progress! And it’s when we can compare the old and new that we get to see how far we’ve come.

Have a great weekend everyone. I was hoping that my weight may finally be in the ‘healthy’ range but the scales haven’t budged now for 7 days but let’s see if anything happens before Monday. 2 lbs, yes 2 lbs, will get me to that goal but I’ll celebrate whether it happens this week or next. I just need to think of a reward to treat myself to!

Take care

Erika xx

Week 56 weigh-in: lost almost half my body weight!

Hey guys

Well, I’ve TWO very exciting things to tell you this week. First, I’ve smashed several goals so let’s take a look at this week’s report card straightaway:

What’s happened this week?

  • I lost 4 lbs
  • My weight’s now in the 160s
  • I’ve lost more than 11.5 stone in all
  • I’m now in the 11 stone range
  • My BMI is now in the lower 25s!
  • I drank far more water than normal
  • I can now go horse riding at a nearby stables
  • I’m lighter than my wedding weight from 25 years ago

What could Erika improve on?

  • Increase my calories…. yes, still finding this hard but more about that below

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 2 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range! Yes, 2 lbs to go!
  • 3 lbs until I’ve lost over half of my original weight! Slightly revised from last week but nonetheless tantilisingly close.
  • 9 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range

— ❤ —

The other thing is that I now have two pieces of clothing with a ‘SMALL’ tag AND I can wear them! The other one is a belt as I ran out of holes in the medium size one.

I also wanted to think aloud here about recovering from an eating disorder. Things took a bit of a turn last week when my therapist (very much with my best interests at heart) took the decision to contact my GP surgery about me being at physical risk. I know this comes from a place of care and safety as he cited safeguarding but it’s hard not to find the whole thing very surreal with matters are being taken out of my hands. So, I guess there’ll be a phone call, etc. at some point about that. Independent of this, I may have found some private specialist support that could make a difference that would work around my current life and hopefully I’ll soon know more to share with you. If this private support is put in place, I don’t know whether professionals within the NHS would still need/want to be involved… I guess it could depend if they think I’m at risk. But this is where I’m sharing some initial, extraordinarily tentative thoughts with you. As you’ll know from my weekly weigh-ins over the past 15 months, I’m always focusing on the next targets in terms of losing X lbs or getting into the next 1/2 BMI range. I’m terrified at the prospect of relinquishing control and increasing the calories but perhaps I need to start adding weekly challenges to my report card such as adding a further 50 calories each day. I’ve really mixed feelings about this which no doubt sounds ludicrous when I do want to get back to socialising with friends over meals and I do want my next ECG on Friday to be healthy. I might explore the concept of being ready to recover (or perhaps just having to get on with it even if I’m not ready) later this week in my blog.

As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind.

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since starting to blog:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
141 lbs9 lbs167 lbs25.2
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Week 55 weigh-in: I fell over…but I got up again!

Hey guys

More about the blog title in just a moment but let’s start with this week’s report card…

What’s happened this week?

  • I lost 2 lbs
  • My BMI is now in the 25s!
  • I drank far more water than normal

What could Erika improve on?

  • Increase my calories…. yes, still finding this hard…

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 1 lb until I can go horse riding at a nearby stables (although I can ride elsewhere)
  • 1 lb until I’m at my wedding weight from nearly 25 years ago
  • 2 lbs until my weight’s in the 160s
  • 6 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range (that’s less than half a stone!). I do wonder how much my excess skin weighs though because it’s possible that this could account for the remaining 6 lbs but let’s not go there!
  • 6 lbs until I’ve lost half of my original weight!
  • 13 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range

So, back to my blog title which isn’t about falling off the diet wagon and getting back on track! About 3 years ago, I had a really bad fall when I did a lot of tissue damage throughout my left leg and ended up on crutches for 6 weeks. In fact, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t broken a bone as the pain was so immense and I couldn’t put weight on my leg for the first 3 weeks or so. But what was also really hard was that I fell over in a public place and I was immediately surrounded by lovely people keen to help me up. However, I knew that I couldn’t get up easily as I was 158 lbs heavier than I am now. Instead, I had to style it out and reassure them I was fine and I just needed to remain on the ground for a bit longer… and then somehow get myself off the ground when there weren’t so many people around.

Let’s fast forward to Saturday night just gone when I headed to a nearby park, around the lake, around the ornamental gardens for a long walk. I’d been sitting down all day working and I just wanted to stretch my legs. It’d been raining all day and I found myself in an area without a hard path and…. I fell over! I just started to slide in the mud and ended up falling in a rather graceful yet comical way right onto the ground! I didn’t hurt myself at all but what really struck me was that I just bounced back up! Just a push to the ground with my hand and I was soon back on my feet. THAT is a non-scale victory 🙂

And apologies before I go. Last Friday was a full-on day for me and I completely forgot to blog but I’ll be back on Wednesday. I’m going to talk about comments regarding weight loss which I started to touch on last week and then, on Friday, I’ll give you an update about where I am with the atypical anorexia. As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind.

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since starting to blog:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
137 lbs13 lbs171 lbs25.9
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging