Lose weight for YOU!

Hey folks

You know, I saw a family member recently. She’s always openly said how she is the slimmest of us and once said to me, whilst I was fighting anorexia, that she thought I’d never be smaller than her. Mmm….we can choose our friends but not our family! Anyway, I last saw her at Christmas when I was at my heaviest (around 329 lbs) and then saw her a couple of weeks ago. In that time, I’ve lost 98lbs which, as you can probably imagine, is completely noticeable. She looked me up and down, uttered “mmmm” under her breath and didn’t say a word. In my head, I was thinking “Really, not going to say anything?” But that was a huge learning curve.

Hopefully, we’ll have people in our lives who are genuinely pleased for us that we’re working towards our goals. I’ve only seen a couple of people except family since the beginning of lockdown and they’ve been amazing. I think it’s human nature to like a ‘congrats’. But we can all have people who aren’t pleased or will be focusing on themselves. And it got me thinking about the relative…do I really need her recognition? Do I need her adulation? At the end of the day, I HAVE to do it for me! For my future. My body. My happiness. My health.

And I need to like myself enough so that I can recognise my own achievements and be satisfied with that alone. With 8″ lost from my waist, 12″ lost from my hips and 11″ from my thighs, I know that each mini goal along the way is something to be proud of what I’ve done so far. I’m 1.25 lbs away from hitting 100lbs loss and, at the end of the day, there’s no point only wanting approval from others if we can’t give that to ourselves. Oh, trust me. Until a few years ago, I would have only craved other people’s approval but perhaps I can start to like me. Does that make sense? I hope so!

So, next weigh-in on Monday. Will I hit that 100lb mark? Oh, I hope so! Before then though, I’m taking part in the London Vitality 10K this weekend… 🙂

Hope you have a lovely weekend

Love Erika xx

Week 25: I’ve lost 7 stone!

Hey folks

Okay, let’s get straight into this week’s report card:

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve now lost exactly 7 stone which is the same as 98lbs!
  • I’m now light enough to have a helicopter lesson
  • I’ve lost 1lb. Another week in the ‘1lb club’ but these add up
  • I’ve stayed pretty calm about how my weight loss has slowed down. It’s weird but in the past few weeks when the loss has slowed down, my body shape has really been changing so I’m appreciating that there are non-scale victories to be celebrated too

What could Erika improve on?

  • Last week, I said that I needed to exercise more and, shamefully, I’ve had another week where I’ve barely moved. I really don’t know why this is apart from it possibly being a post-marathon slump. So, my personal challenge is to walk at least 5km everyday from now until the end of the month.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • celebrate holding the London Marathon medal that should be here in the next 12 days
  • lose 2 more lbs until I’ve lost 100 lbs in total and my BMI is under 35


My new shiny scales are amazing and they highlighted two things that are good for me to know. As I said in Friday’s blog, my body water percentage is very low but I’m slowly bringing this figure up by being mindful about my fluid intake. But the other thing is that the app I use to record my weight loss estimated my body to be more than 47%. However, my analyser scales tell me that it’s actually 39%. Yes, still too high but I’ll take the lower figure!

So, I’m going to head off now for a walk and get some distance under my belt. Hope you have a super week

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
77 lbs73 lbs231 lbs35.1
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Are you peeing enough?!

Hey guys

Well, never did I think I’d post with this as a title but today’s short blog is about losing weight and popping to the bathroom. You see, it’s so easy to find that you’re dehydrated without realising. I’ve heard it from a few places that the point of feeling thirsty means you’re already dehydrated so, as I rarely get thirsty, I thought I’d be okay. But no!

Last night, I jumped onto my flashy scales that I posted about the other day and it showed me that my body water percentage is extremely low. And, with my weight loss stalling recently despite making good food choices, this makes sense. If I’m dehydrated, my body is going to hold onto any fluid I am taking in. And if I’m dehydrated, I’m less likely to go to the bathroom for any reason…and, well, yes, this results in constipation too! No wonder why I’ve felt incredibly sluggish this week and the scales haven’t been showing any new figures.

So, folks, drink! Not only does water fill you up and make it less likely you’ll turn to the cookie jar but it’s good for getting your body working properly. So, time to drink lots and see if I can get the scales by my next weigh in on Monday.

Have a great weekend, everyone

Love Erika xx

Week 24 weigh-in: shiny new scales have arrived :)

Hey folks

So, I’ve decided to treat myself to some shiny, sparkly, all-knowing bathroom scales…and, to be honest, my initial excitement has turned into a mix of curiosity and fear!

Why am I curious? These scales tell me more than just my weight. Up until now, I’ve been using the Weight Watchers Precision Glass Scales which have been fabulous. I could jump on and off several times yet see the same figure on there, giving me confidence about their accuracy. These were £15 here in the UK (just under $20 USD).

But I’m getting curious about other stats too because the weight-loss app I use automatically calculates my body fat based on my weight so I’ve upgraded to the Weight Watchers Ultimate Precision Body Analyser Scale. A bit of a fancy name, eh! As well as body fat, these scales show me my body water, bone percentage and show me my BMI too. These were £30 (just under $40 USD).

So, here’s where the fear comes in. I’m curious about what figures are going to pop up on the display but what if they tell me that I’m heavier than I’ve been recording? What if they tell me that I’ve much further to go on my weight loss journey? You know, the best thing is just to get on and really embrace the adage “Face the fear and do it anyway“. So, that’s what I’ll do when the scales come out of quarantine on Wednesday (as all our parcels automatically get put aside right now). I’ll let you know next Monday but I’ll jump on both scales to see if they’re coming up with the same figure. For now, here’s my weekly report card….

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 1lb. Weight loss has really slowed down recently so every lb feels like even more of a victory!
  • I’ve signed up to do a 10K run at the end of the month

What could Erika improve on?

  • I’ve been slacking on the exercise side this week so I’m going to make sure that I get off that sofa in the coming days
  • I also need to take in more fluid….as in all fluid. So, time to grab the water bottle

Erika’s next target(s):

  • celebrate holding the London Marathon medal that should be on its way soon!
  • 1 more lb until I can have a helicopter lesson
  • 3 more lbs until I’ve lost 100 lbs in total and my BMI is under 35

And finally, I thought I’d share with you what my app is currently showing. Can you see how close I am to 100 lbs? Soooo close! Come on, Erika. You can do this!! As I point out time-to-time, this shows the 21 lbs I lost prior to starting to blog which is why my overall aim is to lose 171 lbs and not ‘just’ the 150 lbs of my blog title. Wow. A rather big figure when I write it down!!

I’ll be back Thursday/Friday but hope you have a super week

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
76 lbs74 lbs232 lbs35.3
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

How to stay positive when weight loss slows down…or plateaus

So, you know you’re eating healthily, you’re moving your body much more than before, you’ve been seeing the scales drop every week without fail for months on end and, then, BAM!! The numbers don’t drop so quickly or you may find that they don’t budge at all. What do you do?!

This where I’ve been for the past few weeks after dropping an average of 3lbs a week since mid February. My last recorded weight losses are:

  • 3rd October (6 days ago) 1lb
  • 25th September (14 days ago) 2lbs
  • 15th September (24 days ago) 2lbs

Now, of course, this is STILL weight loss but it’s just very different to the past few months. And I won’t lie when I say that I really hoped to be under the 230 lb mark by now. So, if you can relate, here are some things to check or try out:

  • Check that you’re slowly reducing your overall calorie intake as you need fewer calories the lighter you are….just make sure you’re not consuming the same calories as when you started out
  • Are you eating enough or too much? It can be easy to under or overestimate so some careful calorie checking can be a good idea.
  • Are you being honest with yourself? Those extra bites of whatever can soon add up.
  • Is your metabolism slowing down a bit? Perhaps you body is getting too used to this new way of eating. You can try eating more calories for a few days (often called ‘cheat days’) to wake up your metabolism and then drop back to what you’ve been doing.
  • Try out new exercise! Rather than walk, try out jogging or high intensity workouts. Shock your body into wondering what’s happening to it!

But don’t give up! There’s no point thinking “Well, what’s the point of sticking to this healthy lifestyle if I’m not seeing BIG results?” You see, if you mix it up a bit as described above or stick to your healthy way of eating, you WILL see the figure on the scales budge. Think about how far you’ve come. Look back at old photos. Grab the tape measure to compare the new you with the old measurements. Think about all those mini goals you’ve achieved so far. You’ve got this and you’re still on track for achieving all those other goals too.

Have a great weekend everyone

Love Erika xx

Week 23 weigh-in: Can you do a marathon whilst obese?!

YES!!!!! Yes, you can because that’s exactly what I did yesterday. Me and around 45,000 others around the world took part in the Virtual London Marathon, each with our own 26.2 mile routes set out – whether we were walking or running it. Some people even climbed mountains to get in the distance. My legs feel extraordinarily heavy today but I’m buzzing and I’ll share the medal with you as soon as it arrives.

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 1lb. Weight loss has slowed down but I don’t care as…….
  • I did a 26.2 mile marathon!
  • My BMI is now in the lower 35s…..so close to getting out of the obese class II category
  • I’m now halfway through my official weight loss journey as in I’ve lost 75 lbs with 75 lbs still to go. But, as the tables at the bottom of my posts say each Monday, this is in addition to the 21 lbs I’ve lost before I started blogging.

What could Erika improve on?

  • Nothing for this week coming really. I didn’t get much sleep last week as the marathon was on my mind throughout and work was busy but I slept for a whopping 10 hours last night and know that this week being quieter will definitely help me rest more. I’ll keep an eye on my fluid intake too and make sure I’m continuing to drink water.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 2 more lbs until I can have a helicopter lesson
  • 4 more lbs until I’ve lost 100 lbs in total and my BMI is under 35

I’m going to add something to my list of what I’d like to do when I’m smaller/lighter: https://biggirlsmall.com/when-i-lose-weight-i-will/ I’d love to climb a mountain. We have some stunning ones in northern England, Wales and Scotland. I don’t know. Just the sense of standing on its summit, looking at the panoramic views and realising that sheer determination has brought you up to this point. Do I need to wait until I’m smaller/lighter? No, not really but by the time I can travel due to COVID cases in the UK rising, any further weight loss by then will hopefully really help me along the way.

And sorry for no 2nd post last week. Last week was just manic But I will be back later this week to chat about staying motivated when you’ve got a lot of weight to lose.

Have a great week, everyone

Love Erika xx (P.S. Did I tell you that I achieved 26.2 miles yesterday?!!!)

Recordable weight loss:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
75 lbs75 lbs233 lbs35.4
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Week 22 weigh-in: 5 lbs away from losing 100 lbs!

Hey guys

I really REALLY hope that I will be blogging next Monday not only to tell you my latest weigh-in but to tell you that I actually finished the London marathon. I’m just visualising being able to say the words ‘did it’ even though it’s feeling incredibly daunting right now. My runner’s bib arrived through the post, which I think adds to the sense of occasion. I don’t know. It all feels a bit surreal right now but I believe that I CAN do it…and, if I believe that I can do, I’m more likely to actually do it!

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 2lbs
  • My weight is now in the lower 230s

What could Erika improve on?

  • I don’t know why but my fluid intake has been pretty low, as in any fluid intake. From today, I’m making a more concerted effort to drink more throughout the day rather than realise just before going to bed that I’ve barely drunk anything!
  • I also need to improve my sleep. I think that mere, ‘little’ issue of a marathon (!!!) is on my mind but I’ve read that poor sleep can be linked to weight difficulties. It’s not that I’m snacking in the evenings as I don’t eat after 8pm but let’s see what I can do.
  • For the past few days, I’ve eaten a bit more than normal. Yes, I need to make sure I’m eating enough when taking on such a huge physical feat but I need to make sure that my sensible eating is back on track. What’s good is that despite eating a bit more than normal (when compared to the past 7 months), I haven’t binged and I haven’t eaten anything sweet but I just need to get back on track with my food choices.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • Walk/run the virtual London marathon on Sunday
  • 3 more lbs until I can have a helicopter lesson
  • 5 more lbs until I’ve lost 100 lbs in total and my BMI is under 35 – I’m so excited about this!

You know, although I lost 2 lbs this week, I don’t feel as if I’ve really been on track. Whilst I can’t wait for Sunday, part of me is keen to just get it over and done with so that it’s not at the forefront of my mind. Does that make sense? I had hoped to get to the 100 lb weight loss milestone by marathon day which isn’t going to happen but I need to be kind to myself! Erika, you’re doing the London Marathon at least 95 lbs lighter than if you did this in February. Let’s celebrate that!

Hope you have a good week. I’ll be back on Thursday or Friday with my next blog. Actually, I don’t know what the topic will be so, if there’s anything particular you’d like me to write about, please do say!!

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
74 lbs76 lbs234 lbs35.6
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

You won’t get me seeing a doctor … yet!!

Hey guys

Okay, so, my ‘adult’ head knows that doctors see people of all shapes and sizes! Everyday, they’ll be seeing people like me, people who are bigger, people who are smaller, blah, blah, blah. So, what is it that makes me stay well clear of the local GP surgery? I thought it’d be helpful to talk aloud as I sometimes wonder if anyone has a fear as great as mine.

I should preface this by saying that I’ve been very lucky not to have developed serious illnesses or any health conditions that need monitoring…as far as I know! But I’ve become increasingly aware that if I did suspect something serious (like a lump), I still wouldn’t go. Now I write this, doesn’t it sound daft that I’d prefer to ignore a very serious health warning due to sheer embarrassment. So, I haven’t gone along for smear tests (though I do home kits to send off), I’ve ignored the free health checks for over 40s and I’ve even ignored a GP calling me as I’ve staying clear of the surgery for some time. When I’ve had two accidents in the past few years (including a broken toe), I had to go to A&E which, whilst mortifyingly embarrassing, I guess it made it feel a bit easier as I’d be seeing a doctor as a one-off. So, what’s behind this?

I don’t think it’s because I’m scared of being asked to stand on the scales as I’m big and bold enough to rebel and politely decline. But the thought of revealing my body which I go to great lengths to cover up everyday terrifies me. What will they think? Will they judge? So, I need to remind myself of the first sentence above that they’d probably not even blink because I’ll be no different to anyone else.

I wonder if this stems from being very ill with anorexic behaviour 9 years ago when there was a lot of concern about how much weight I’d lost over the space of months and now I’m so much bigger. It wasn’t even a diet that I was following as a life-threatening eating disorder was controlling me so I don’t feel that it was a ‘diet that went wrong‘ but I guess it’s how I feel. When you’ve been small and then you’re not, what will people think? In fact, I think this shame goes beyond doctors as I’ve definitely withdrawn more generally since I put all the weight on and more.

Clearly, I’m losing weight and perhaps that will give me the confidence to go to the GP if I need to… but I’m going to make a pact here and now. If there’s anything that I feel I need to see a doctor about, even if I don’t lose any more weight than right now, I will see someone. Yes, it’ll push me out of my comfort zone but I want to embrace all that life has to offer and there’s no point loving this new lifestyle if I’m not fit and healthy to enjoy it.

Thank you! Just talking aloud has made things click in my mind so you’ve been great listening. I’m now on countdown for taking part in the London marathon on 4th October and my official racing bib turned up in the post yesterday so more about that at my next weigh-in on Monday.

Have a great weekend everyone

Love Erika xx

Week 21 weigh-in: the incentive of COVID

Hi everyone

You know, when COVID was spreading at an alarmingly quick speed in the UK earlier this year, it provided me with the biggest external incentive to keep going with my recently-started weight loss journey. Stats were coming out about the greater chance of hospital admissions, etc. when being overweight or obese and, yes, I was frightened. Being super morbidly obese with a BMI of 50, I knew that I could end up being seriously ill if I caught the virus. I know it can still affect anyone but, with numbers increasing again, I guess I’m taking some reassurance that I’m doing everything possible to be okay should I get it. And there are some other bonuses along the way! Smaller clothes sizes, having lots of spare space in the garden chairs that I used to struggle to fit into and ticking off all my mini goals along the way! For me, it’s not just about reaching destination Goal Weight but the journey too.

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 2lbs
  • I’m under 17 stone
  • My BMI is now under 36
  • My belly and hips are now 48″ (after starting out at 58″ and 59″ respectively)
  • My waist is now 38″ after starting out at 45″

What could Erika improve on?

  • I can still do better on the fruit and veg front. I’m SO bad at this!

Erika’s next target(s):

  • Walk/run the virtual London marathon on 4th October! Yes, I have an official place on this race
  • 5 more lbs until I can have a helicopter lesson
  • 7 more lbs until I’ve lost 100 lbs in total and my BMI is under 35 – I’m so excited about this!

Later this week, I’m going to blog about the fear of GPs and anything medical. Yes, I think this links to my weight and size and I really don’t ‘do’ doctors but more about that on Thursday or Friday.

And, before I go, I just want to say ‘thank you’ for reading my blog. Truly, if feels as if I’m not on this journey alone and I can’t tell you how much it means to be able to share all my weird and crazy thoughts aloud 🙂

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
72 lbs78 lbs236 lbs35.9
Plus 21 lbs lost before blogging

Trying to avoid the anorexic thinking…

Hey folks

Mmm, so you may see that my BMI is in the obese range and then be puzzling about why I’m talking about anorexic behaviour. After all, I’m not underweight. However, I’ve posted before that about 9 years ago, I became trapped in the anorexic behaviour where my daily intake was capped at a mere 250 calories a day, I ended up with heart problems after losing about 8 stone very quickly and I was very close to being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Yes, it’s possible to adopt anorexic behaviour whatever your weight….and become so poorly.

So, I’m just a bit aware that some of those past thoughts are creeping in again and I’m getting panicky about certain things like:

  • being so rigid about eating only between midday and 8pm. I’ve had a couple of days where I’ve almost gone without dinner as eating past 8pm would be ‘wrong’
  • starting to count calories very strictly. I’ve deliberately stayed away from calorie counting up to now as, 9 years ago, I’d count every half a calorie. Yes! Every half calorie!
  • seeing some foods as ‘bad’
  • jumping on the scales again…again…and again
  • starting to think about how I can avoid meals

But I think it’s good that I’m recognising these thoughts as I can take action and tell myself:

  • Erika, you’re allowed to eat outside that 8 hour window. Just do it when you need to.
  • Erika, you know what’s a sensible portion. You don’t need to count calories as the weight is coming off so you’re doing great. You’re doing something right.
  • Erika, food isn’t bad. You’re allowed to eat anything but you just to need to learn about moderation so that one piece of chocolate doesn’t mean the family size bar! When you’re ready, you can start to reintroduce more foods so that you know when to stop and don’t feel bad about having treats.
  • Erika, you need to be eating enough. Be kind to yourself! Missing out meals will affect your energy levels, especially when gearing up for London Marathon day.

When I started to blog, I promised that I’d be very open with you and, you know, I think writing this is really cathartic. Hopefully it’ll help others who have a history of eating disorder thoughts and just see those behaviours creeping in.

Have a lovely weekend and I’ll be back on Monday

Love Erika xx