Losing weight…. it’s okay to feel a bit low

Hey guys

I hope that anyone following my blog will quickly pick up that I’m very much a ‘half full’ kinda person and, wow, I’ve had much to celebrate over the past 13 months:

  • more than 130 lbs lost so far
  • going from ‘super morbidly obese’ to ‘overweight’
  • now light enough to do many things once Covid allows such as zip wiring, a helicopter lesson and abseiling
  • my waist going from 48″ to 34.5″
  • getting into my jeans and wearing US size 8 – 10 (UK size 12-14) for most clothes

So, how can I feel a bit ‘meh’?!! I guess today’s post is about sharing my honest thoughts with you… but also, with the aim to put a positive spin on it, what I’d say to a friend who was concerned about these areas…

  • Sagging skin. I am a realist and I knew that losing so much weight wouldn’t take me back to my pre-pregnancy body of 25 years ago. But when I lost a lot of weight 10 years ago (that took me down to 175 lbs and was lost more quickly than this time round), my legs were so much more toned… without needing to work at it. Of course, I’m 10 years older! But I’m starting to wonder how confident I’ll feel wearing any clothing revealing my lower legs if my calves remain larger than I’d like. What would I say to a friend? “I can understand it’s disheartening but the sagging skin shows how far you’ve come. There are always options to deal with it if you’re not happy and perhaps your calves and other areas will shrink further as you continue to lose weight”.

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  • Losing weight is a full time job! From when I wake up to when I go to sleep, a lot of mental energy is being given to my journey. I sometimes read about people who get very close their goal weight but then say how they’ve sabotaging their progress for various reasons. I wonder if one reason is the fear of no longer having this constant weight-related thinking to do and targets to aim towards. It could leave a huge gap in a person’s thinking space… but I guess that maintaining could take up as much effort! What would I say to a friend? “It’s great you’re aware of what could happen when you get near your target weight but try to focus on the ‘now’! You’re putting so much time and effort into all of this but perhaps, over time, we can have a think about making eating and exercising more instinctive so that you intuitively learn to maintain without it consuming so much of your time and energy’.

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  • Fixated on my imperfections. When I look back to 130 lbs ago, I’m now aware that I was dissociating and I wasn’t connecting with my body. Yes, of course, I knew I had a body (!) but I had no real sense of its actual size. I’m now aware that some parts of my body are actually get bony but I’m obsessing more about my wobbly bits and I can have days where I look in the mirror and question whether I look any different when I was 329 lbs. What would I say to a friend? “Girl!!!! Your body is so different to before. There’s no logical way you can lose that much and have the same body. But it makes sense that you’re focusing on yourself now and you’re more aware of your body shape. Over time, hopefully you’ll fully embrace your success and who knows what your body will be like at goal weight”‘

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  • If only I’d started a lower weight. This is a relatively minor point but I wish I wasn’t so heavy when I started out… as I’d be much further along my journey or even at target weight! What would I say to a friend? “Yeah, I get that. But rather that think about where your journey began, keep focused on moving forward”.

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  • Scared about calories and scales. I’m starting to panic about calories a bit more than I was before. I love Hartley’s No Added Sugar Jelly and I swapped from my favourite blackcurrant (7 calories per pot) to strawberry (5 calories) all so that I can save 2 calories! Why?! Why not eat the one I fancy more?! Being really open, it’s a very fine line between making careful choices and actually noticing past eating disorder behaviours show their heads. What would I say to a friend? “Keep an eye on that as there’s a balance to be had. Yes, I get why you want to watch what you’re eating but there comes a point where I’m picking up on some things where I’m a bit concerned about you. Keep challenging your thoughts on this one. I’m by your side”.

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In true Erika style, I’ll bounce back…. because that’s what I do! But I think it’s important to acknowledge that going on a journey like this is as much about the head as it is about the body.

Anyway, I’ll be back later this week. Until then, take care

Erika xx

Week 40 weigh-in: planning ahead is key!

Hey folks

I can’t wait to share with you several goals I’ve managed to smash this week but I wanted to first share my discovery how planning ahead is absolutely the way to do this weight loss journey thing… and probably something I’ll continue doing once I get to my eventual weight loss goal.

I don’t know about you but I don’t always make the best choices when I’m standing in my kitchen, trying to work out what to eat. It’s like I’m looking in the cupboards and fridge not knowing what I really want and this unclear thinking can lead to making some kind of weird food choices. So, I’ve made one big change this week. The night before, I decide what I’m going to eat the next day. I go to sleep feeling in control as it takes away any anxiety and this has resulted in the pounds dropping. At some point, I’d like to do weekly plans which will help with making food buying much easier if I know what the week’s meals will be. So, without further ado, here’s this week’s report card:

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 4 lbs this week
  • My BMI is now in the 31s
  • I’m now under 15 stone having lost more than 8.5 stone
  • I’ve lost exactly 100 lbs since my blog started (although I’d lost 21 lbs prior to this)
  • I have exactly 50 lbs left to go until I hit my target weight
  • I’ve been focusing on staying hydrated
  • I’m within 10 lbs of being under 200 lbs!

What could Erika improve on?

  • I feel like I’ve done well this week. As always, I feel rather pretentious saying there’s nothing to improve on but I guess I need to learn to perhaps feel a bit more comfortable with this. It’s okay to tell ourselves that, right now, we’re doing great.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 2 lbs until my BMI is in the lower 31s
  • 5 lbs until I’ve lost 9 stone in all
  • 9 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
  • 12 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight

I’ll be back on Wednesday but, until then as ever, please feel free to share your own experiences including celebrations or frustrations and any questions you’d like to ask me!

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
100 lbs50 lbs208 lbs31.6
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Week 30 weigh-in: letting go of old clothes…

Hey guys

YES!! As shown in my ‘report card’ below, I’ve lost a lot more than one pound this week so I’m truly buzzing today! Perhaps it’s because I’d plateaued for about three weeks and the scales are now reacting again to me controlling my portions and exercising. I don’t know. There could be 101 reasons why but I’m hoping it won’t be too long until I’m out of the 220s.

Okay, let’s have a look at this week’s report card:

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 4 lbs
  • I’ve ditched most of the clothes that are too big for me… more about that in a moment.

What could Erika improve on?

  • I’ve always said that I’ll be honest with you and I do need to watch that being ‘eager’ about a new lifestyle doesn’t slip into being some form of eating disorder. A friend has shown concern about how quickly I’ve lost this weight over the past few months, especially when my heart was put at risk many years ago when I lost a lot of weight through anorexic behaviour (although the weight loss was quicker). Do I have an eating disorder? I don’t think so but I will be reflecting on that.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 1 lb until my BMI is in the 33s….so close!
  • 4 lbs until I’m weighing less than 100 kg
  • 25 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
  • 27 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight
This is the MY Weight app

Before this weight loss, I was wearing approximately US size 18-20 / UK size 22-24 clothes although trousers would have been slightly bigger. And, you know, I’ve still been wearing some of these clothes… just very loosely! But I had a big sort out on Saturday night, dumped all my clothes on my bed including those I’d kept from my previous ‘slim days’ that I’ve wanted to get back into and tried on EVERYTHING! I’ve been buying a few bits over the past few months but hadn’t wanted to buy too much knowing that I’d likely be ‘passing by’ certain sizes. The result? I have a huge bag of clothes going to charity and I’m now wearing clothes to reflect my current size. Tops? I’m a US size 10 / UK size 14. Bottoms? I’m a US size 12-14 / UK size 16-18. (I don’t think I’ve ever shared my height with you but I’m 173 cm / 5 foot 8). And I’m thinking more about how I want to style myself. I could buy completely new clothes but I’m actually really loving searching on EBay where there’s a huge range ….some pre-loved clothes that reportedly have been worn just the once but also lots that are new and still have their tags so I’ve a few bits on their way 🙂


So, upcoming posts include:

  • coping with and breaking plateaus
  • what I’m eating (I’ve been taking photos!)
  • choosing how the ‘new me’ will dress
  • the fine line between very focused dieting and anorexic thinking

Please feel free to share your own weight loss successes, frustrations or whatever’s on your mind ❤

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
84 lbs66 lbs224 lbs34.1
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Trying to avoid the anorexic thinking…

Hey folks

Mmm, so you may see that my BMI is in the obese range and then be puzzling about why I’m talking about anorexic behaviour. After all, I’m not underweight. However, I’ve posted before that about 9 years ago, I became trapped in the anorexic behaviour where my daily intake was capped at a mere 250 calories a day, I ended up with heart problems after losing about 8 stone very quickly and I was very close to being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Yes, it’s possible to adopt anorexic behaviour whatever your weight….and become so poorly.

So, I’m just a bit aware that some of those past thoughts are creeping in again and I’m getting panicky about certain things like:

  • being so rigid about eating only between midday and 8pm. I’ve had a couple of days where I’ve almost gone without dinner as eating past 8pm would be ‘wrong’
  • starting to count calories very strictly. I’ve deliberately stayed away from calorie counting up to now as, 9 years ago, I’d count every half a calorie. Yes! Every half calorie!
  • seeing some foods as ‘bad’
  • jumping on the scales again…again…and again
  • starting to think about how I can avoid meals

But I think it’s good that I’m recognising these thoughts as I can take action and tell myself:

  • Erika, you’re allowed to eat outside that 8 hour window. Just do it when you need to.
  • Erika, you know what’s a sensible portion. You don’t need to count calories as the weight is coming off so you’re doing great. You’re doing something right.
  • Erika, food isn’t bad. You’re allowed to eat anything but you just to need to learn about moderation so that one piece of chocolate doesn’t mean the family size bar! When you’re ready, you can start to reintroduce more foods so that you know when to stop and don’t feel bad about having treats.
  • Erika, you need to be eating enough. Be kind to yourself! Missing out meals will affect your energy levels, especially when gearing up for London Marathon day.

When I started to blog, I promised that I’d be very open with you and, you know, I think writing this is really cathartic. Hopefully it’ll help others who have a history of eating disorder thoughts and just see those behaviours creeping in.

Have a lovely weekend and I’ll be back on Monday

Love Erika xx


Week 11 weigh-in: lots of goals can help


If you’re on a weight loss journey, you may have that figure that you’re desperate to see on the scales. You know, your goal weight. However far away it may be, it’s almost like everything hinges on seeing that celebratory figure.

The joy of ticking off a mini goal!

With more than 100 pounds still to lose, I wondered if it might be helpful to share with you what I’m doing. You see, I find that lots of mini goals along the way are really motivating because there are so many tiny achievements to be had: every 5lbs lost, every half a pound of fat lost, every half a BMI point, every next stone/half stone mark (what are stones?), every non-scale victory achieved, etc. So, on the notes section on my phone, I’ve written all these lists and I then take great pleasure adding a tick when I achieve another mini goal. In fact, it’s rare that I don’t get to add at least one tick for each pound lost.

So, today, after losing 2lbs this week, it means that I can tick off the 265lbs goal and the one to show I’m finally under 19 stone. Look at how I’m just 1lb away from being able to do the longest zipwire in the UK. That said, I weigh myself naked and I guess I need to factor in the weight of clothes. There’s no doubt a rule about not doing zipwire in the buff!! I’m also 3lbs away from no longer being morbidly obese.

New additions to the ‘When I lose weight, I will…..’ page

I’ve thought of two more things I’d like to do when I’m light enough. One is to abseil! I’ve never done that even though I don’t have an issue with heights so that might become a charity fundraiser.

The other thing is that, to my absolute joy, I discovered the other day I’m actually light enough to do Go Ape. I don’t know whether any of you outside the UK have something similar but Go Ape is basically like an assault course but high up in the trees, with rope bridges, floating planks of wood to carefully get over, etc. whilst wearing helmets and safety harnesses. There are several around the UK. I want to wait until I have the confidence to wear trousers and not worry about whether the safety harness will fit but I thought this would be a fab thing to do.

I’d love to hear if you’ve also set yourself mini goals or if there’re things you’d like to do when you’re smaller/lighter.

Hope you have a lovely week and I’ll be back in a few days’ time with more of my ramblings!

Love Erika xx

Week 9: an extra weigh-in as I can’t help myself!

Hey folks

When I shared the results of my weekly weigh-in on Monday and told you that I was just 10lbs away from no longer being morbidly obese, I suspected that I had some water retention (time of the month and all that!) Anyway, I weighed myself this morning and I’ve lost another 3lbs since then which means:

  • I’m now under the 270 marks (as I’m 269)
  • I’m 7lbs from no longer being morbidly obese
  • My BMI is now under 41
  • I’m 5lbs from being able to do the longest zip wire in the UK (weight limit 264)
  • …..and so much more!

If you’re new to my blog, please do check out the ‘When I lose weight, I will…..’ page as it has all the things I want to do as I get smaller and lighter.

I’ve done 15 minutes running tonight (Couch to 5K week 3 run 1) and I’m just buzzing. I honestly couldn’t walk 200 metres back in February without being in pain.

And I just wanted to share a couple of items of clothing I’ve bought to slim into. They’re both UK size 14 (US size 10, I think?) but they’re 3/4 length trousers which I’ve never worn and a Superdry hoodie. I’ve a long way to go but I’m I’m visualising how I’m likely to feel wearing these and I’m sure I’ll reach my goal.

Anyway, Friday night, I’ll update you about the food I’m eating but have a great couple of days

Love Erika xx

How do I know if I’m losing weight?

Well, I’m sure ‘using scales’ and ‘using a tape measure’ come to mind but I really wanted to blog today about the other ways that don’t rely on reading figures. Sometimes, it’s the small (or perhaps big) signs that show us that our new lifestyles are paying off and these signs in themselves can be SO motivating! When I started my journey, I wrote a list of all the things my weight and size were stopping me from doing and, oh, what a depressing list it was! But it was the reality check I needed and, I don’t know, putting it in writing just made it more real.

However, now, it’s time for a more positive list and this is what I’ve noticed so far:

  • My clothes are feeling loser. In fact, a T-shirt I couldn’t previously get over my belly is easily going over!
  • I’m walking more quickly
  • My back no longer hurts when I stand up for a while. Before, it could hurt after standing for 5 minutes whilst washing up but I stood the other day for 3 hours whilst chatting to neighbours on VE Day (whilst standing apart, of course!)
  • I’m getting up from the sofa very easily
  • The daily exercises and walking are getting easier and so I’m now holding onto a couple of tins of baked beans to add some weights!
  • My increased stamina makes me less panicky about walking. Just yesterday when I went to the pharmacy for my son, I couldn’t park outside and that’d usually result in trying on another day but, instead, I parked at a car park and walked there
  • I’m not bumping into furniture so easily when it’s a tight spot
  • I can bend over more easily
  • My fingers easily touch when I place them around each wrist
  • Turning over in bed is far easier
  • I don’t feel the fat pushing against my neck when lying on my side
  • I’m starting to feel more confident about going outside whereas I would shut myself away before
  • My husband says that my snoring has improved!

As I read through this list, the words ‘easier‘ and ‘easily’ keep jumping out at me. Yes, that really does sum up my experience so far as daily actions are feeling less effortful.

I also wanted to share a photo of something I had yesterday which was really yummy! It was a mushroom and spinach risotto that took just 3 minutes to microwave but I would love to get to the point where I’m cooking from scratch – but that’s another blog in itself!

Have a great day everyone and stay safe

Love Erika xx

Week 2 weigh-in: Two milestones met already

With my second weigh-in this morning, I really hoped that I’d lose a good amount. Of course, it’s important to lose weight at a sensible rate but I’ve also read that the more you have to lose in the first place, the quicker it can come off when starting the new lifestyle journey…..and the scales did not disappoint! 6lbs lost! I’m certain that this figure will slow down to perhaps 1 or 2 lbs a week but I hope it’s okay to say that, in the meantime, I’m really chuffed. However, as well as the weight loss, it also means that I’ve now reached two milestones. First, it means that I’m now under 300 lbs. Part of me is SO happy yet another part is thinking how on earth did I get to 300lbs over the past few years. I do feel ashamed but dwelling on it isn’t going to help. But the main thing is that I’m now making myself home in the 200 club which I hope will be a welcoming place to be as I pass by before moving onto the 100 club at some point. The other milestone is that my BMI is now 44.9 so I’ve got under the 45 mark

The other thing I did this morning was to take my official ‘before’ photos from the front and side. They’re not great viewing and they won’t show my weight loss so far (including some weight loss before I was brave to weigh myself a fortnight ago) but perhaps I can be brave and share these with you some time. I’m a bit nervous about that to be honest. Perhaps it’s about being judged and revealing my body when I go to lengths to hide it usually so I hope you’ll be kind! Hopefully when I get back into those skinny jeans and leather knee high boots that I last wore in 2012, I can look back at the photos to see how far I came.

I’m still doing my 40 minutes of walking each day around my living room and I’ve started to increase the number of repetitions when doing my upper body exercises. You know, it was only a few months ago when I remember my back hurting from just standing up to do the washing up so my fitness is getting there. How I’d love to run a 5K one day! Never say never! Long term goals are just as important as the short term ones.

Finally, I’ve decided that I will start to weigh myself without the huge chair that I hold above my head as I get onto the scales! From what I’ve read online, I think the chair weighs 28lbs so, once the scales suggest that me and me alone may actually be under 20 stone, perhaps that’s the time to ditch the chair and get on ‘naked’!!!

If you’re on your own journey, please feel free to share your successes and challenges here

Stay safe everyone

Love Erika xx

Total weight lost:Still to lose:Current weight including the chair!
13 lbs137 lbs323 lbs