I could fit in the seats at the funfair!

Hi everyone

So, apologies that it’s been nearly a week since I’ve blogged. I just needed to give myself a break from the weekly weigh-in but I wanted to share with you that I let my inner child play last night. I went to a funfair on Brighton Pier which is on the south coast of England jutting out into the English Channel towards France. Brighton is a very popular and wonderfully vibrant city where people can truly be individuals and it’s a city that’s just a short train ride from London. In fact, it’s where I got engaged!

Yesterday, on a gloriously warm evening, I headed down to Brighton. I didn’t plan to go on any funfair rides and I assumed that the pier itself would be closed but, as I drove past, I found it was very much open, much later than usual as many people were soaking up the sun. I have to say that I hesitated for a moment when I reached the end of the pier wondering how daft it’d be for a 40-something year old going on rides but sometimes you just have to not worry what others will think and play. Before I knew it, I was going down the helter skelter on a coil mat, sitting on a horse on the carousel, being strapped into a rollercoaster and then being tossed about on another ride that made me very glad I hadn’t just eaten! But the best feeling was that I could fit into the seats! My head hasn’t caught up with the fact that I’ve lost 164 lbs so far but once I managed to fit on the first ride, that worry soon disappeared.

So, I’ll be back on Monday with a bit of an update with the professional support regarding atypical anorexia as I’ve finally found somewhere there’s been brilliant so far but more about that in a few days.

Hope you have a great weekend, everyone

Love Erika xx

BMI from 50 to 24.9!!!!!

Hey guys

Yes, my weight is finally in the ‘healthy’ range with my weight down from 329 lbs to 167 lbs since February 2020 and I’m now just 1 lb away from losing more than half my body weight. That actually feels quite significant to me now that I write that and I never thought I’d get here. It seemed like a very long way off when I started this journey but it’s always been about focusing on the next tiny goal. However, being really open with you, it’s such a really mixed, surreal feeling.

On the one hand, yay!!!!!!! I’m SO excited! The last time my weight was in the healthy range was about 30 years ago. I’m wearing the clothes that I want to wear, I’m no longer easily getting out of breath and I’ve far more energy. There are lots of other happy stats like my waist and body fat now being in the recommended range so there’s no denying that I’m completely chuffed to bits.

But on the other hand, I don’t feel that I can truly celebrate this moment which is really disheartening. As others who’ve been following my blog will know, I’ve fallen into the traps of a serious eating disorder. I’ve lots going on at the moment with waiting to hear back from a specialist eating disorder dietitian and from the local eating disorder service.

Now that my BMI is in the healthy range, I guess it’s understandable that I’m desperate to stay here! But I wonder if increasing my calories (even a little bit) will then lead to some weight going on with my body desperately holding onto any extra food in fear of how little food it’s had in recent months. And that scares me. But, at the same time, whilst my BMI is healthy, I need to get my body and brain into a healthy place too and perhaps increasing my calories will lead some fluctuation as my body adapts. I guess what’s important is that I look at the wider picture and as long as I don’t eat more than my body needs, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to stay here in the healthy range in the long term. But, yes, now tackling my eating disorder is really the next goal.

I really hope you all have a great weekend everyone and I’ll be back on Monday to see if that extra pound has come off… and, if it hasn’t, well, is there really any rush? No, not really. Safety first, Erika. Safety first πŸ™‚

Take care

Love Erika xx

Week 55 weigh-in: I fell over…but I got up again!

Hey guys

More about the blog title in just a moment but let’s start with this week’s report card…

What’s happened this week?

  • I lost 2 lbs
  • My BMI is now in the 25s!
  • I drank far more water than normal

What could Erika improve on?

  • Increase my calories…. yes, still finding this hard…

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 1 lb until I can go horse riding at a nearby stables (although I can ride elsewhere)
  • 1 lb until I’m at my wedding weight from nearly 25 years ago
  • 2 lbs until my weight’s in the 160s
  • 6 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range (that’s less than half a stone!). I do wonder how much my excess skin weighs though because it’s possible that this could account for the remaining 6 lbs but let’s not go there!
  • 6 lbs until I’ve lost half of my original weight!
  • 13 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range

So, back to my blog title which isn’t about falling off the diet wagon and getting back on track! About 3 years ago, I had a really bad fall when I did a lot of tissue damage throughout my left leg and ended up on crutches for 6 weeks. In fact, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t broken a bone as the pain was so immense and I couldn’t put weight on my leg for the first 3 weeks or so. But what was also really hard was that I fell over in a public place and I was immediately surrounded by lovely people keen to help me up. However, I knew that I couldn’t get up easily as I was 158 lbs heavier than I am now. Instead, I had to style it out and reassure them I was fine and I just needed to remain on the ground for a bit longer… and then somehow get myself off the ground when there weren’t so many people around.

Let’s fast forward to Saturday night just gone when I headed to a nearby park, around the lake, around the ornamental gardens for a long walk. I’d been sitting down all day working and I just wanted to stretch my legs. It’d been raining all day and I found myself in an area without a hard path and…. I fell over! I just started to slide in the mud and ended up falling in a rather graceful yet comical way right onto the ground! I didn’t hurt myself at all but what really struck me was that I just bounced back up! Just a push to the ground with my hand and I was soon back on my feet. THAT is a non-scale victory πŸ™‚

And apologies before I go. Last Friday was a full-on day for me and I completely forgot to blog but I’ll be back on Wednesday. I’m going to talk about comments regarding weight loss which I started to touch on last week and then, on Friday, I’ll give you an update about where I am with the atypical anorexia. As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind.

Take care

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since starting to blog:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
137 lbs13 lbs171 lbs25.9
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Being a ‘healthy’ weight is finally just around the corner!

Hi guys

You know, there’s a page on my blog that I sometimes forget to update as my weight loss journey continues. Yesterday, I realised that I needed to tick off a few more goals I’d achieved and, wow, the visuals illustrate how my BMI and other stats are getting so much nearer to the ‘healthy’ category… something I couldn’t have dreamt of. So, today’s blog is basically showing you what’s given me a lift today as I start on the homeward straight…..

– – – ❀ – – –

Ticking off every 5lbs of weight loss (starting at 329 lbs…goal is 158…. though 165 puts me in the healthy range)

329√325√320√315√
310√305√300√295√
290√285√280√275√
270√265√260√255√
250√245√240√235√
230√225√220√215√
210√205√200√195√
190√185√180√175
170ο»Ώ165ο»Ώ160ο»Ώ158ο»Ώ

Ticking off half BMI points (starting at a BMI of 50…goal is under 25)

50√49.5√49√48.5√
48√47.5√47√46.5√
46√45.5√45√44.5√
44√43.5√43√42.5√
42√41.5√41√40.5√
40√39.5√39√38.5√
ο»Ώ
38√37.5√37√36.5√
36√35.5√35√34.5√
34√33.5√33√32.5√
32√31.5√31√30.5√
30√29.5√29√28.5√
28√27.5√2726.5
26ο»Ώ25.5ο»Ώ25ο»Ώ<25ο»Ώ

Getting under each (UK) stone/half stone (1 stone = 14 lbs) Started at 23 stone 7…goal is 11 stone 4 though 11 stone 11 puts me in the healthy range (I’m 5 foot 8)

23.5√23√22.5√22√
21.5√21√20.5√20√
19.5√19√18.5√18√
17.5√17√16.5√16√
15.5√15√14.5√14√
13.5√13 √ 12.512
11.5ο»Ώ 11 4lbsο»Ώο»Ώο»Ώο»Ώο»Ώ

Weight classifications

No longer being super obese (BMI 50+)√
No longer being morbidly obese (BMI 40-49.9)√
No longer being in the upper obese range (BMI 35-39.9)√
No longer being obese (BMI 30-34.9)√
No longer being overweight (BMI 25-29.9) because I’m a HEALTHY WEIGHT! (BMI 19-24)ο»Ώ

You see, my journey is all about focusing on the next tiny goal as I could have easily felt disillusioned at the beginning of this journey thinking that I’d never get to where I’m at.

I’ll be back on Monday with my weigh-in. To be honest, I’m dreading next week as I have my ECG and I heard a couple of days ago that my blood test has shown something that my doctor wants to talk about…. so a potentially challenging week next week but that’s not now! I’ve a weekend to enjoy first and I hope you enjoy your weekend too ❀

Love Erika xx

A relaxing non-scale victory!

A quick post today to tell you that I did something a couple of nights ago which I haven’t done for about 10 years. I had a bubble bath!!!!! Yes, for many years, my weight and size have made a shower the only option to stay clean. Why? Well, I wasn’t sure if I could manoeuvre my body so that I could sit down in the bath and fit comfortably…. but my biggest concern was whether I could get up again.

A bath wasn’t planned but I went for a 2K walk around our hilly village and, at one degree above freezing, I was almost frozen by the time I got home. I thought a bath might be a great way to warm up so, without thinking, I ran the bath, grabbed my Apple AirPods Pro (my treat for getting into Onederland) and really celebrated the fact that I was in a bath listening to music! However, next time, I’m going to think about how to make it more luxurious… perhaps some candles, a glass of Diet Coke (though this sounds like a good time to get to like wine!) and listen to a podcast or two πŸ™‚ Might even do that this weekend!

Hope you have a great weekend everyone and I’ll be back on Monday with my next weigh-in

Love Erika xx

After losing 130 lbs, I’ve reached ONEderland!!!!!

Oh. My. Word! I’ve done it!!!!!!

— ❀ —

For anyone who’s only just now coming across my blog, a huge ‘hello” to you! I’m just a regular 40-something year old who’s on a huge weight loss journey and who, as of today, has lost 130 lbs since 14th February last year. 21 lbs were lost prior to blogging and then a further 109 lbs since posting 2 – 3 times a week sharing in my inner most thoughts.

Part of me thought I’d never see my weight go below 200 lbs but part of me did….. and it’s because I visualise success. Like when I wanted to fit into my jeans, I pictured myself wearing them, how I’d feel, etc. and that really helped spur me on. And I pictured seeing the scales show my weight beginning with a 1 and that’s exactly what I saw this morning. If I can picture where my journey’s heading, I’m more likely to stay on it…. at least, that works for me!

For major milestones, I treat myself and I’ve bought two things to celebrate this one:

  • Apple Air Pods Pro which I’m having delivered tonight (I love companies that can deliver the same day!)
  • A little charm to go on my keys which is a number ‘1’. Thing is, if people see this charm, they won’t know the significance of what it means to me but it’s my secret reminder of how today feels.

And do you know what? I’m just 2-3 lbs away from another HUGE milestone as I’m almost out of the obese category. My BMI started out at 50 so this feels like a massive accomplishment……

I’ll be back on Monday with my next official weekly weigh-in but spoiler alert… there’ll be lots of positive things to celebrate πŸ™‚

Wishing you a great weekend

Love Erika xx

Week 42 weigh-in: 9 lbs away from no longer being obese!

Hey guys

YES!! Moving down into the ‘overweight’ category really is just around the corner, something I could’ve only dreamt of a year ago. I’ve got several small goals coming up and therefore opportunities to celebrate. And celebrating is important! Whether we’re at the beginning of our weight loss journey or some way in, I feel it’s so important to acknowledge these moments and be kind to ourselves in what we say. Rather than think “I’ve lost only 1 lb“, say “That’s great. Another pound towards the next goal“. Rather than think “I’ll never get there. I’m resigned to be this weight forever”, say “It may take time but I have to start somewhere. Let’s set some short and long term goals“.

Okay, it’s time for this week’s report card:

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I lost 3 lbs.
  • My BMI is now in the lower 31s.
  • I’ve been working out lots. As well as the vibrating plate (more about that next week), I’ve been walking at least 5K each day…. from just around the house due to the snow here.
  • I’ve been staying hydrated… something I can find hard to do.
  • I reframed a difficult moment. The other day, I looked down at my thighs whilst standing and I was taken aback to see the amount of sagging skin. You know when a puppy is yet to grow into its skin and its skin is very wrinkly? Well, that’s how my upper thighs are looking. But after a moment feeling pretty sorry for myself, I gave myself a good talking to and reminded myself that it’s okay! This is the evidence of my hard work over the last year so be proud, girl!

What could Erika improve on?

  • I’ve had some days when it’s been quite a struggle to eat enough and I guess some of those previous anorexic thoughts have crept in. Perhaps this should be listed above as I’ve done well to recognise these familiar thinking patterns but I think I’ll leave this here as a reminder to not let myself slip.

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 2 lbs until my BMI is under 31
  • 2 lbs until I will have lost 9 stone in all
  • 5 lbs until my BMI is under 30.5
  • 6 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
  • 9 lbs until I’ve lost 9.5 stone
  • 9 lbs until my BMI is under 30 and I’ll be overweight

And here’s the dress I mentioned last week that’s way beyond what I’d normally wear. It’s not a maxi dress and it’ll mean showing my lower legs to others!

So, posts later on this week will look at whether to reintroduce some sweet food into my diet and another ‘top 10’ list of tips and tricks to stay on track with the eating because I’m still learning all the time! If I can pass on what I’m learning to help others, then that’s pretty cool. Until then, please feel free to share your own experiences including celebrations or frustrations and any questions you’d like to ask me!

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
103 lbs47 lbs205 lbs31.2
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Weight loss, sagging skin and photos!

Hey folks

I guess I’m probably ticking all the boxes for why I’m getting sagging skin:

  • I’ve lost well over 100 lbs
  • I’ve lost this in just under a year
  • I’ve spent much of my life being overweight or obese with a top BMI of 50 so my skin’s been stretched for a long time
  • I’m in my late 40s so any elasticity in my skin has upped and left!

Where’s this sagging skin appearing? It’s mainly over my upper and lower abdomen, the tops of my thighs and my arms where my bingo wings seem to have developed their own bingo wings. My hope is to control this as much as possible through diet and exercise but I’ve been thinking whether I’d want skin removal surgery. It’s pretty big surgery with recovery time of 4-6 weeks and, as I write blog, I’m watching an episode of My Extreme Excess Skin featuring Dr Nowzaradan from My 600lb Life fame (I’d love to meet him!!). Whilst other episodes feature people who’ve lost 200-500 lbs, this one’s about someone who’s lost 170 lbs which pretty much reflects the total journey I’m on but she had bariatric surgery. Do people lose weight at a quicker speed after bariatric surgery? Am I likely to have a similar appearance to this pre-op lady? You see, I really don’t think I’ll ever be someone who wants to hang around the pool in a bikini but I’d just love to wear clothes with confidence. So, I think I’ll continue on my journey and re-evaluate as I get nearer to my goal weight. Perhaps I’ll buy super strong underwear to hold my body together instead! The thought of having my belly button repositioned is enough to turn my stomach!!!

Before I go, I thought I’d share some photos to show you my bingo wings and how I can fold up the skin! And rather brave photos of my belly where you can see how the skin can easily be moved around. Goodness, despite hiding behind my laptop anonymously, sharing these photos feels scary so please be kind! This is me….with more than 117lbs lost and around 50 lbs left to go!

Hope you have a great weekend. I’ll be back on Monday with my next weigh-in and will then be aiming to blog 3 times a week as I head towards my target weight πŸ™‚

Love Erika xx

Week 39 weigh-in: bulk up meals to lose weight

Hey guys

I’m going to get straight into this week’s report card:

What’s Erika done well this week?

  • I’ve lost 6 lbs. Now, this includes the 5lbs that I somehow put on last week (that didn’t appear to link to ‘the time of the month’). I was aiming to see if I could lose that 5lbs so that extra pound really is a fantastic bonus!
  • I resisted buying cereal bars this week. I’ve discovered that whilst I’ve cut out food like cookies and chocolate with ease, seemingly healthy cereal bars have been my downfall. I mean, one would be perfectly fine but I don’t seem to be able to have one and leave the rest in tact in the box. So, knowing this, the best thing for now is to not have them in the house.
  • I resisted the urge to buy laxatives. Okay, bit of a gross point here but I had a bit of a bad stomach the other night and rather than think ‘Erika, keep yourself hydrated‘, my first thought was ‘hey, weight loss‘. Oops! I briefly thought about when I had bulimia around 25 years ago that involved a very serious addiction to taking large quantities of laxatives everyday. For a moment, I considered starting to take them again but I reminded myself about the damage they can do and, thankfully, the thought of buying some has now passed. You can read about my battle with bulimia here

What could Erika improve on?

  • Bulking up meals. I was reading last night about caloric dense foods (well worth a Google search) and how making good food choices can make it easier to stay full for longer. So, let’s compare a grape and raisin. They’re essentially the same food but eating a bunch of grapes is likely to keep you fuller for longer than the same number in raisins. And that’s because grapes have more water (which we love as water’s 100% calorie free) so 100g of grapes has significantly fewer calories than raisins. So, definitely go for food with more water content. How am I going to use this? I’m going to add more salad and veg to my meals. I found a list online of the least caloric dense foods and the top 15 are:
FoodDensity (calories / gram)
lettuce0.15
spinach0.23
watermelon0.30
strawberry0.32
carrot0.40
orange0.48
2% milk0.50
apple0.52
grapes0.69
boiled potato0.87
banana0.89
ketchup1.00
skinless chicken1.10
brown rice1.10
fish (tilapia)1.13

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 2 lbs until my BMI is in the 31s
  • 3 lbs until I’m under 15 stone
  • 13 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
  • 16 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight

I’ll be back later this week to talk to you about saggy skin. I might even share photos… let me think about that one though!

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
96 lbs54 lbs212 lbs32.2
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging

Week 38: My BMI might be high but…

Hello guys

Well, I discovered two things in this past week:

  • At 111 / 74, my blood pressure is in the normal range. I’m so chuffed as it was really high the last time I had it taken a few years ago.
  • My ‘waist hip ratio’ is in the lower cardiovascular risk category and very much links to me being a pear-shaped person. You can work out your WHR with a tape measure and a calculator or you can find an online calculator to work it out for you. With my waist at 36″ and my hips at 48″, it puts my ratio at 0.75. And this is a HUGE achievement because last summer (i.e. a few months after starting this journey), my ratio would have come into the high risk category.
MenWomenClassification
0.95 or lower0.80 or lowerLow health risk
0.96 to 1.00.81 to 0.84Moderate risk
1.0 or higher0.85 or higherHigh risk

******

And, as for my weekly report card:

How’s Erika done this week?

  • I’ve PUT ON 5 lbs. Now, I’m absolutely not panicking because I last weighed myself on Friday when I’d maintained at 213 and, unless I’ve consumed an additional 17,500 calories over the weekend on top of what I should have been eating, there’s no way that I’ve truly gained 5 lbs!! So, I’m remaining calm as I suspect this is temporary.
  • I wore my jeans on Friday. It was SO brilliant to wear these (check out these photos to see me slowly getting into them over the months)
  • I discovered that my thighs no longer rub when I walk. I’m not sure how long this has been the case but I was just aware the other day about my legs moving freely!
  • I’m discovering bones! My collarbone is visible, my ribs and vertebrae are easy to feel, and my shoulders are getting bonier.

What could Erika improve on?

  • I’m drinking enough although lots of diet soda rather than water but, well, let’s just say that I haven’t been going to the bathroom much. I’ve read that drinking lots of water can help deal with any water retention so I’ll give this a go. And I really should cut back on the diet soda…. I just like it SO much!

Erika’s next target(s):

  • 19 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
  • 22 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight

Okay guys, I’m going to get on with my day but I’ll be back later this week to share with you something I’ve made to help me on my journey.

Love Erika xx

Recordable weight loss since blogging:Still to lose:Current weight:BMI:
90 lbs60 lbs218 lbs33.1
Plus 21 lbs lost prior to blogging