More about the blog title in just a moment but let’s start with this week’s report card…
What’s happened this week?
I lost 2 lbs
My BMI is now in the 25s!
I drank far more water than normal
What could Erika improve on?
Increase my calories…. yes, still finding this hard…
Erika’s next target(s):
1 lb until I can go horse riding at a nearby stables (although I can ride elsewhere)
1 lb until I’m at my wedding weight from nearly 25 years ago
2 lbs until my weight’s in the 160s
6 lbs until my weight’s in the healthy range (that’s less than half a stone!). I do wonder how much my excess skin weighs though because it’s possible that this could account for the remaining 6 lbs but let’s not go there!
6 lbs until I’ve lost half of my original weight!
13 lbs until my ultimate goal so that I have a 7 lb buffer to stay in the healthy range
So, back to my blog title which isn’t about falling off the diet wagon and getting back on track! About 3 years ago, I had a really bad fall when I did a lot of tissue damage throughout my left leg and ended up on crutches for 6 weeks. In fact, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t broken a bone as the pain was so immense and I couldn’t put weight on my leg for the first 3 weeks or so. But what was also really hard was that I fell over in a public place and I was immediately surrounded by lovely people keen to help me up. However, I knew that I couldn’t get up easily as I was 158 lbs heavier than I am now. Instead, I had to style it out and reassure them I was fine and I just needed to remain on the ground for a bit longer… and then somehow get myself off the ground when there weren’t so many people around.
Let’s fast forward to Saturday night just gone when I headed to a nearby park, around the lake, around the ornamental gardens for a long walk. I’d been sitting down all day working and I just wanted to stretch my legs. It’d been raining all day and I found myself in an area without a hard path and…. I fell over! I just started to slide in the mud and ended up falling in a rather graceful yet comical way right onto the ground! I didn’t hurt myself at all but what really struck me was that I just bounced back up! Just a push to the ground with my hand and I was soon back on my feet. THAT is a non-scale victory 🙂
And apologies before I go. Last Friday was a full-on day for me and I completely forgot to blog but I’ll be back on Wednesday. I’m going to talk about comments regarding weight loss which I started to touch on last week and then, on Friday, I’ll give you an update about where I am with the atypical anorexia. As ever, please feel free to share your diet / weight-related successes, frustrations or anything else on your mind.
I hope that anyone following my blog will quickly pick up that I’m very much a ‘half full’ kinda person and, wow, I’ve had much to celebrate over the past 13 months:
more than 130 lbs lost so far
going from ‘super morbidly obese’ to ‘overweight’
now light enough to do many things once Covid allows such as zip wiring, a helicopter lesson and abseiling
my waist going from 48″ to 34.5″
getting into my jeans and wearing US size 8 – 10 (UK size 12-14) for most clothes
So, how can I feel a bit ‘meh’?!! I guess today’s post is about sharing my honest thoughts with you… but also, with the aim to put a positive spin on it, what I’d say to a friend who was concerned about these areas…
Sagging skin. I am a realist and I knew that losing so much weight wouldn’t take me back to my pre-pregnancy body of 25 years ago. But when I lost a lot of weight 10 years ago (that took me down to 175 lbs and was lost more quickly than this time round), my legs were so much more toned… without needing to work at it. Of course, I’m 10 years older! But I’m starting to wonder how confident I’ll feel wearing any clothing revealing my lower legs if my calves remain larger than I’d like. What would I say to a friend? “I can understand it’s disheartening but the sagging skin shows how far you’ve come. There are always options to deal with it if you’re not happy and perhaps your calves and other areas will shrink further as you continue to lose weight”.
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Losing weight is a full time job! From when I wake up to when I go to sleep, a lot of mental energy is being given to my journey. I sometimes read about people who get very close their goal weight but then say how they’ve sabotaging their progress for various reasons. I wonder if one reason is the fear of no longer having this constant weight-related thinking to do and targets to aim towards. It could leave a huge gap in a person’s thinking space… but I guess that maintaining could take up as much effort! What would I say to a friend? “It’s great you’re aware of what could happen when you get near your target weight but try to focus on the ‘now’! You’re putting so much time and effort into all of this but perhaps, over time, we can have a think about making eating and exercising more instinctive so that you intuitively learn to maintain without it consuming so much of your time and energy’.
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Fixated on my imperfections. When I look back to 130 lbs ago, I’m now aware that I was dissociating and I wasn’t connecting with my body. Yes, of course, I knew I had a body (!) but I had no real sense of its actual size. I’m now aware that some parts of my body are actually get bony but I’m obsessing more about my wobbly bits and I can have days where I look in the mirror and question whether I look any different when I was 329 lbs. What would I say to a friend? “Girl!!!! Your body is so different to before. There’s no logical way you can lose that much and have the same body. But it makes sense that you’re focusing on yourself now and you’re more aware of your body shape. Over time, hopefully you’ll fully embrace your success and who knows what your body will be like at goal weight”‘
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If only I’d started a lower weight. This is a relatively minor point but I wish I wasn’t so heavy when I started out… as I’d be much further along my journey or even at target weight! What would I say to a friend? “Yeah, I get that. But rather that think about where your journey began, keep focused on moving forward”.
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Scared about calories and scales. I’m starting to panic about calories a bit more than I was before. I love Hartley’s No Added Sugar Jelly and I swapped from my favourite blackcurrant (7 calories per pot) to strawberry (5 calories) all so that I can save 2 calories! Why?! Why not eat the one I fancy more?! Being really open, it’s a very fine line between making careful choices and actually noticing past eating disorder behaviours show their heads. What would I say to a friend? “Keep an eye on that as there’s a balance to be had. Yes, I get why you want to watch what you’re eating but there comes a point where I’m picking up on some things where I’m a bit concerned about you. Keep challenging your thoughts on this one. I’m by your side”.
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In true Erika style, I’ll bounce back…. because that’s what I do! But I think it’s important to acknowledge that going on a journey like this is as much about the head as it is about the body.
Anyway, I’ll be back later this week. Until then, take care
My BMI has gone from the super morbidly obese range (when my BMI was 50) to the lowest obesity category (BMI now 34.9)
I’ve lost 1lb…but more about that in a mo
With it being week 26 of blogging, I’ve now been blogging regularly for 6 months…thank you for joining me ❤
I can see my toes! Yes, I can glance down without tilting forward and see my toes!!!
I completed the London Vitality 10K event on Saturday so that means another medal will soon be on its way. My London Marathon one came the other day and, in the next couple of weeks, I’ll be doing a blog about my fitness medals
What could Erika improve on?
Is it okay to say that I can’t think of anything for this week?! This rarely happens!
Erika’s next target(s):
lose 1 more lb so that I will have achieved a 100 lb weight loss in all
10 lbs until I’m weighing less than 100kg
31 lbs until I’m in Onederland (yes, I’ll be less than 200 lbs)
33 lbs until I’m no longer obese as I’ll be overweight
So, guys, a HUGE surprise this morning! I thought I’d have to be 229 lbs for my BMI to go under 35 but it turns out that 230 lbs and a few ounces does just the trick. I truly can’t believe that I’m in the lowest obesity range (which goes from 30-34.9) as it’s been about 8 years since I’ve been here. Getting my BMI under 30 (and to go from being obese to overweight) seems like a long way off but it wasn’t that long ago when I was dreaming about getting out of the morbidly obese range and desperate to get my BMI under 40. So, this is where my tiny goals come into it. Just focus on the next step and don’t look too far ahead.
A quick note about this image from my Weight Watchers scales. So, body fat (BF) is way too high although I’m working on that. Body water (BW) is actually low which suggests that I’m dehydrated but I’ve managed to bring it up from being under 43. Bone (bone mass) is actually way too high… not that I’m looking for excuses to put the brakes on this weight loss journey but does this mean I’m officially very heavy boned?!
As soon as I lose my next pound, I’ll be back on here to share this with you but, until then, hope you have a good week